Goodbye, Sunflowers!
by DreamyLoner
Summary: Ivan Braginski is a pessimistic hermit at school. Every day, he drowns himself in self-induced pain to relieve his solitude. When a mindless tease goes too far one day, he runs to the school rooftop to attempt suicide but is saved by a mysterious Chinese boy named Wang Yao who offers to be his friend. WARNING: self-harm, suicide, angst, drug reference. High School AU. RoChu. USUK.
1. Chapter 1

**" _I just want to love and be loved. Is this too much to ask for?"_**

 **oOo**

Yao flopped down giddily on the duvet. He hunched slightly forward and clutched the pipe close to him. He took a deep inhalation and puffed. His muscles relaxed upon the onset of the drug's influence. His shoulders slumped as he brushed a strand of sleek, black hair off his left cheek. The alluring odor wafting out from the weed gradually got through his nostrils.

"My, my, just how stressed are you, love?" A hoarse voice scoffed in a thick British accent. "I don't have much weed left."

Yao twitched a little but didn't turn around. He decided to ignore Arthur's taunt and concentrated on smoking his beloved pressure-reliever. It doesn't matter if Arthur had got none left. He would just finish this one and took a long, wondrous slumber.

"Tell me, what is it this time, Yao?" A pair of desperate arms enveloped him from behind. Arthur agilely snuck into the duvet and cuddled the Chinese boy. He briskly stole a mouthful from Yao, causing the other boy to pout and glare at him.

"Boo." The blond blew a ring of smoke right at Yao's face and then sealed their lips together with a fierce kiss.

"Hmm…" Yao moaned with an effortless attempt to protest. Soon, his breath was blended with the taste of Arthur's lips. It reeked of intense cigarettes and marijuana.

When they finally withdrew from each other, Yao panted and blushed. His body tensed up the instant Arthur gingerly slipped his hand underneath his school uniform.

"S-Stop…aru," Yao stammered, with no intention of imploring whatsoever. Arthur stopped exploring his soft abdomen and diverted his attention to fondling the beautiful, proud black hair sashaying over his shoulders.

"What's the matter, love?"

"I'm homeless aru," Yao managed to spill it out with a despondent sigh.

"Your goddamn father again?"

"He…er…he doesn't approve of our relationship…" Yao recited, recalling that one particular scene where his extremely strict and conservative father castigated him after learning about his sexuality. "That…is just the tip of the iceberg though…he…he's always loathed me. I'm not surprised…My grades are slipping and he's mad."

"So he's kicked you out?" Arthur cocked his bushy eyebrows and feigned an astounded expression. He laughed inwardly.

"Erm…" Yao leaned exhaustedly against his boyfriend, his lids dropping slowly as his consciousness faded away. "He…disowned me…I…I can't go back anymore, Arthur…"

The Chinese boy suddenly jolted and sprang up in agitation. A drop of tear rolled down his cheek as he grabbed Arthur's arms and shook them. "I'm lost…Arthur…I don't know what to do now aru…If I go back, I will have to stop seeing you…And he might even transfer me to somewhere else…My father…he's never genuinely treated me as his son…I'm just a commodity…a shield for his pride…an object to boast about…I have nowhere to go now…and if he knows I'm doing drugs and all, he'll seriously strangle me to death. I…I have no friends…everyone despises me. It's only you…that's left…"

"Sh..." Arthur shushed the unhinged boy and embraced him. "Don't worry, Yao. You can always stay here with me. I'm glad you're now free from your deranged father."

"I left home because I chose you aru…You…You won't abandon me, right?"

"Absobloodylutely not. What gives you that idea? You can't live without me. I'll always be here for you."

"R-Really? Do you…do you love me? Honest?" Yao asked, his eyes blinking with anticipation. Arthur was the sole person he could depend on now. There was no turning back, regardless of how insane this love between them was.

"Of course," Arthur grinned, slowly laying the Asian down on the mattress.

"Then…it's…good…you'll never leave me aru?"

"My, I love you so much, Yao. I would do anything for you."

"P-Promise?" Yao quavered. He couldn't imagine what life would be without Arthur. His world would crumble down. He had lost his reputation, his inheritance, and now his dignity and conscience just to be with this British boy he loved more than anything on the earth. He could endure all the pain just to be with him forever.

"Yes, I promise," Arthur smiled sweetly as he bent down to kiss the male.

 **oOo**

The bell rang. Yao scurried to the lockers. His unkempt hair floated in the air. This would be the twentieth time he was late to school in just one semester and he could already envision the consequences.

He halted in front of his locker, ignoring all the unsightly, foul paints covering his door. He sighed and flung open his locker door. As usual, a stack of garbage and creased paper flooded his vision. He rummaged through the pile of rubbish and pulled out his textbooks, only to feel a heavy hand land on his shoulder. He cringed but before he could utter a word, he was brutally turned around and pinned against the wall. He grunted.

"Mornin' little mouse. How're ya doin'?" A husky voice sniggered, immediately joined by a couple of others.

Yao glowered at Antonio, a Spanish boy from his class.

 _There it goes again._

"Geez, Antonio, told you that's not the way to do it!" said Gilbert. The slightly taller albino strode forward with a devilish grin. "See how frightened the black kitty looks! Let the awesome me take over, yeah?"

"Onhonhonhon, you two should just back off and watch big brother do the deed~" laughed the French boy with shoulder-length blond hair.

"W-What do you…want this time…" Yao scowled, trying to look as brave as he could. His hands quivered.

"Oh come on, you know what we all want," Afonso, a Portuguese with a tiny brown ponytail, smirked. "You've been coming late to school every day. Are you trying to avoid us?"

"Please…go away…" Yao pleaded, his eyes darting everywhere in search of escape.

"Look at you. What the hell did Arthur do to you? Never thought the genius bookworm would ever come to school in a mess," Antonio laughed, scanning the dishevelled Asian from head to toe.

Yao growled and shoved Antonio away. He gave Gilbert a hard kick. Clasping his books firmly, the Chinese boy immediately fled towards the exit. Francis and Afonso caught up with him and blocked his way.

A smack landed on his face promptly. Yao stumbled backwards. His books scattered all over the ground. He rubbed his swollen cheek with tears. Antonio and Gilbert stood back up and pushed him against the lockers. He gasped when Gilbert punched him in the stomach. He fell. The other boys yanked him up again.

Barely able to retaliate, Yao mumbled a few pleas and stopped struggling. He tried his best to swallow his sobs.

"Sneaky dullard. Do you think you can evade us?"

"You can't fight us. Now give us your money."

"We ain't got the whole day, Yao. Our lunch has to be paid."

"I…I have no money…" Yao stuttered.

"Liar."

Gilbert snarled and slapped Yao again. The boy whined and collapsed to the floor.

"I…I'm not lying aru…"

"Damn it!" A hand hauled him up and tossed him across the floor. Yao coughed and propped himself up with his elbows.

"Get up and answer us- WHERE IS THE MONEY?" Gilbert hollered and lifted his fist.

Antonio and Francis took their friend's arms and held him back.

"Stop it, Gil. At this rate, the teachers will find us!" Antonio yelped.

"That's pretty much enough. Maybe he really doesn't have it on him," Francis frowned.

"Let's search his pockets," Afonso suggested. He straddled the Chinese boy immediately and flipped his pockets inside out.

"I'll take his bag," Gilbert echoed.

As the gang ripped open every single pocket, a Japanese boy passed by and caught Yao's attention. Yao stared hopefully at his half-brother, Kiku, with a tear-drenched face, wishing that somehow conscience would incite the other boy to seek help.

However, that hope was shattered when the gang discovered Kiku.

"Woah, hey, cutie boy," Francis winked Kiku and blew him an enticing kiss.

The boy only bowed politely and greeted, "Good morning, Francis-san."

"Hey, Kiku, your brother here says he's penniless. Is that true?" Antonio asked.

"Is true," Kiku shrugged. "Father disowned him two weeks ago and cut down all the financial support. He is not my brother anymore. He's no longer a part of the family."

"Kiku…" Yao snivelled.

"Gomen'nasai, everyone. If you'd excuse me, I'm heading to the History class," Kiku said and trotted away.

"So, even Kiku doesn't admit that you're his bruther. How miserable~" Gilbert mocked.

"Well, who can blame him? He's wise enough to side with us," Francis laughed.

"Great, so we came here for nothing." Afonso snorted and jammed his hands into his pockets. "Guess I'll have to borrow a few coins from Cheng. See you guys later."

The gang left Yao on the ground. The Chinese boy rose slowly and gathered his wrinkled books. He put them back into his ragged back and slung it over his shoulder. Wiping the blood stains off his mouth, he tied his hair into a loose, messy tail and hobbled back to his classroom.

 **oOo**

Yao squeezed through the crowded hallway. He crumpled his test paper and dumped it into the bin. He tried to forget his teacher's rants. He scuttled past his school mates. Some stared at him in disdain. Some grimaced. He shut his eyes and turned around the corner. He stopped when a tomato was smashed against his back.

A flash blinded his eyes. Francis held up his cellphone and smiled.

"What an adorable, grumpy face, mon cher~ Go straight into my cute, cute collection!"

"You're so disgusting," Gilbert said and rolled his eyes.

Yao glared at the boys.

"Hey, you're such an eye-sore, you know that?"

"No," Yao replied calmly.

"And your clubs sucks! I'm glad to hear that your shitty Gardening Club got dissolved by the Student Union."

"What's the matter? Cat caught your tongue? You used to talk back at us. Did Arthur tame you?"

"If angering me is your amusement, no, I will not yield to a bunch of idiots like you aru," Yao said. "You know why I refused to join your gang in the first place? Because you guys are so pathetic. It's as if exerting power over someone else is the only way you can find your own value of existence. You can continue rotting in your miserable life. I don't care for whatever you have to say about me. You should all fuck one other-"

"What did you just say?" Gilbert howled and raised his fist.

"Wait, Gil," Antonio hissed, gripping the rim of Gilbert's cardigan. The Spanish boy leant forward and whispered something into his buddy's ear. The "bad touch trio" then chuckled in coherence.

"So, I'm guessing you're looking for Arthur?" Gilbert smiled.

"That is none of your business."

"Well, I can tell you where he is. He's in the storage room," Afonso smirked and glimpsed his watch. "He's usually there at this hour, making out with that American junior."

Yao frowned and took a step back.

"If you don't believe me, you can go there now," Afonso winked.

"Have fun, girly," Antonio laughed.

Yao bit his bottom lip and trembled. He ran to the storage room at the back of the school building and flung open the door.

He stared as Arthur bent down to kiss a blond-haired boy- an eighth grade junior.

The name was Al…Alfred something…

He never wanted to succumb to all those rumors. Even though he knew that his boyfriend was practically the most renowned punk in school, he chose to believe that his confession was genuine. He never spared a second doubting Arthur's loyalty. He had forsaken everything for him. He could abandon everything; just about everything; even his own virtues just to please and satisfy Arthur Kirkland; because he was the first and only person who approached him; who had taken the initiative to free him from his cage; to profess love and faith to him.

And yet…

Everything was just a lie.

A beautiful lie.

"Arthur?"

The two boys gasped. Alfred spun up abruptly and adjusted his glasses. His blue eyes fell upon the Chinese boy.

Arthur stood up and straightened his tie.

"You could've just knocked, Yao."

"What is this aru?" Yao shook his head.

"Oops, guess I gotta go. Excuse me, dudes."

Alfred got up and hurried past Yao.

"What do you mean?" Arthur blinked.

"Why…you…with that guy…"

"Is there a problem?"

"Are you cheating on me?"

"It's quite obvious, isn't it?" Arthur shrugged. "But I won't say it's cheating, Yao. We aren't even dating."

"What?" Yao frowned. "What are you talking about? We are…I thought we were…"

"Exactly. You **_thought_** _,_ " Arthur smiled. "Everything's just your own imagination."

"No…you said…you said that you love me…"

"Yea? So?"

"So…we should be together…I mean…I gave up everything for you…You said you would stay with me. Why did you keep avoiding my calls? I've been trying to look for you for the past few days…Please, just tell me, what's wrong with our relationship? Is it me? Did I do something wrong, Arthur?"

"You didn't do anything wrong," Arthur murmured. "It's just a play, okay? And I've thoroughly enjoyed your company. That is."

"Wait…this is a joke…right? Please tell me, what were you doing to Alfred? Why were you-"

"Oh, won't you stop interrogating me, Yao?" Arthur said. "Sometimes, you've got to find some answers for your own questions. With your eyes, dear."

"Arthur, I love you. Please, just…don't leave me, okay? I'll do anything?" Yao begged and shook Arthur's arms.

"Now would you stop touching me. We're over." Arthur brushed off Yao's hand and shook his head. "We have never started in the first place."

Yao widened his eyes.

"Everything's just a set-up, dear. It's a prank, okay?"

"A…prank…"

"A penalty game. A bet. They thought I couldn't tame you but well, I'm actually more competent than Francis. There's nothing I can't handle. I must say getting my hands on you was pretty thrilling. You're such a stubborn, spoiled-rotten piece."

"I don't get this aru…" Yao sobbed. "This…This is a lie…I don't understand a single thing you're saying aru…You…"

"Well done, Arthur."

The gang laughed.

"They say he's the most obstinate **_princess_** in the school. I can't believe you really did that, man." Antonio laughed and patted Arthur's back.

"Yeah, it was quite fun seeing you stumble and get rejected. But then you actually succeeded in tricking him into drugs. How wicked," Afonso smiled.

"Oh shut up, bloody wankers. I don't need to be judged by any one of you. I do what I like."

"So, you got caught red-handed while making out with Alfie?" Gilbert laughed.

"Yao, how do you feel now?"

"You came out as if you're the centre of the school," Afonso said. "Let this be a lesson for you, Asian boy."

"And may I remind you, no one likes you around. It's not you who doesn't want us. It's we who don't want you here."

"So…this is…your revenge…? Just because I teased you guys once in the past," Yao whimpered and stared at Arthur in pain. "Just because…I refused to join your gang?"

"We just love fooling around with you. You're so fun to pick on," Antonio said and threw a bitten tomato right at Yao's face. "By the way, we had fun watching your tape."

"What…tape?" Yao's face paled.

"You still believe that Arthur has genuinely loved you?"

Yao peeked at Arthur, who only shrugged.

"We enjoyed seeing a bigheaded, self-righteous honour student fall. You're so dense, Yao. I've never loved you," Arthur grinned. "Everything's just a show."

"And, mind you, from now on, you have to do exactly what we say or else-" Gilbert smiled and unlocked his cellphone. Yao stared at the screen in horror. His own groans filled his ears.

 _No way…_

"How could you…" Yao glared at Arthur with tears. "You…taped…me?"

The humiliation was far too much for him to bear. The screen kept re-looping his flushed face as he drowsily made love with Arthur. Arthur's face was never shown in the video though. There was only him.

"Delete it!" Yao shrieked and jumped at Gilbert. Gilbert shoved him to the ground. "Get rid of it!"

"Nah, we've got copies among us. We'll show it to everyone at school if you disobey us. You're now our lackey, girlie."

The gang snickered and left the room. Yao sat on the floor weeping quietly.

"Please…don't do this to me aru…" he mumbled and looked at Arthur. "I…I love you…I really do…I'll change…I mean…I can change…but please don't leave me aru…you promised…"

"I'm sorry, Yao. I'm really sorry," Arthur apologised and squatted down to face Yao. "It's impossible for us to be together. I'm sorry for using you. You should just go back to your family, Yao. Forget what's happened between us. Don't provoke Gilbert's gang again."

"I-Impossible…?" Yao frowned. "But the promise…you said…"

"Sorry…" Arthur muttered and stood up.

"Sorry…?" Yao looked down at his own lap. "You aren't sorry….at all…you aren't…you never are…"

 **oOo**

Chun Yan waited impatiently at the school gate.

"Don't worry, Yan," Mei reassured. "I texted him already. He should be here soon."

"Soon? We've been waiting here for an hour! He should've been here long ago unless of course he has detention which is impossible because Yao never gets one!"

"Don't you think…it's a bit absurd to be standing here? Like the boys keep staring at us," Mei blushed as a couple of boys came through the gate and winked at them.

"No, fuck this school. These guys creep me out. I can't believe Dad sends Yao to this awful boarding school."

"You know…we really need to mend this thing between them. I don't want brother to squabble with Dad again."

"God knows why they always bicker. That bastard child Kiku won't stop mediating with our family affairs! I know what he's trying to do! He wants to drive Yao away because he's the only blood-related male descendent to WANG's household! If Yao's disowned, he'll be the next to inherit Dad's fortune!"

"Stop speaking of Kiku that way, Yan!" Mei argued. "It's just your own assumption! Kiku isn't that kind of a person."

"Having a crush on your own brother, Mei? Seriously? Even if you aren't blood-related, this still counts as incest," Yan said and crossed her arms.

"Stop it! I never… I've never said I…" Mei trailed off. "I can't believe you said that about me!"

"Well, I don't care. Just so you know, unlike you, always fawning over that bastard child, I detest him. He doesn't even belong to this household. He is adopted. And he's stolen everything from us, including Dad's affection and respect. I will make him pay for everything he's done to Yao."

"Yan…look!" Mei gulped and pointed to a wobbling figure from afar. The two girls realised it was their dear older brother and dashed towards him.

"Yao!"

"Brother!"

"Yan…? Mei?" Yao frowned. He wished he could dig a hole and crawl into it.

"What's happened to you?" Yan whined and hugged him. "Oh my gosh, who did this to you? Why are you in such a mess? Yao? Please tell us! We'll help you out!"

"Brother…" Mei trembled as she examined her battered brother. She could hardly believe that a clean freak like him would allow anyone to see him in dirty clothes and untied hair. "What's wrong? What's happened during these weeks you were away?"

"I'm…alright aru…" Yao said mindlessly. "Alright…alright…"

"Yao?" Chun Yan pulled away from her twin and tilted her head warily. "Where's that punk? Why isn't he with you? Are you still staying over at his apartment?"

"Please come home, brother. You have us worried sick. Even Dad is sulking."

"Will you come back to us? That thug isn't worth all your attention, Yao," Yan said. "You used to do so well at school and spend so much time with us before you met him and his friends. But now…look at you…you look so beaten and tired. What did he do to you?"

"I'll tell Leon and Yong Soo! They will stand up for ya!" Mei cried.

"Don't…drag them into this," Yao sighed. "I can…handle this aru…Give me some time…It'll be alright…"

"Yao, I'm sorry. I should've come earlier. Let's go home, yes?" Chun Yan begged and tugged Yao's sleeves.

"We're all waiting. Kiku says he's sorry too. He will make it up to you," Mei sobbed. "It's just that…he can't go against those bullies. He's scared of getting picked on himself…That's why he refrains from backing you up."

"It's okay…I forgive him aru…" Yao smiled and handed Chun Yan some of his textbooks and stationery. "Hold these for me, please. I've forgotten something in the classroom. I'll…be back shortly."

"You'll come home with us then? Yes?" Chun Yan beamed.

Yao nodded and jogged back to the school building.

 **oOo**

The sky was adorned with a shade of scarlet beam. The setting sun glittered with warmth. Yao basked in the autumn breeze and held up a cherry blossom. With a soft chuckle, he set free the stunning flower and watched its petals fly beautifully in the sky.

He took one last peep at the greenhouse- his secret garden on the rooftop.

He remembered planting and tending to blooms here every day when his committee members were still present.

Now it was down to him alone.

He had always been alone.

"I just wish to love and be loved. Is this too much to ask for?" Yao smiled at the sky and hummed to no one in particular. He held out his arms. A bird chirped and flew past his head. He closed his eyes and leapt off the edge.

The sound of wind resounded in his ears.

He could hear freedom sing.

The walls drifted past him.

He spread out his arms, feeling ever so peaceful and serene.

The power of gravity embraced him.

He smiled as his body cracked on the ground.

And he finally dozed off in his own pool of shimmering blood.


	2. Chapter 2

The blood sputtered as the blade delved deeper into his wrist.

The pain was rejuvenating.

He could bask in the refreshing pain all day long.

But the sight was something else.

It was spectacular in his opinion. A puddle of blood sprayed across the tile like faded blossoms.

A land of withering roses.

He plucked the blade out swiftly and whined, his heart hammering against his chest as he slouched exhaustedly against the wall.

The pain was hypnotizing. It was like an addiction.

He had long lost count of how many times he had done this, to his wrist, to his body, to himself…

Every time he had to suppress the urge to snap, he would dash to a deserted corner and cure himself.

Pain was his sole remedy.

It helped him forget and remember; forgive and let go…

It distracted him.

It reminded him of his existence, of how human he was like everyone else- human enough to feel the agony and anguish, to wail and shed tears like his counterparts.

Scars lined up neatly along his pale wrist. Some were old. Some were new. Never were they fully healed.

New ones kept adding to the old ones, deepening and widening the gash.

He would wear coats to protect his arms. Even in summer, he would be seen with a cardigan. No one was to know. No one had to.

The pain was his alone.

It was his fault. His fate. His doom. Alone.

"Oh man, I can't believe the awesome me is placed next to a freak!"

The door was flung open loudly, followed by shuffles of heavy footsteps. Ivan froze and lolled silently against the toilet seats.

"Ve~ That isn't very nice, Gil~ He has a name."

"Yeah, Frankenstein."

"I'll tell Ludwig you said that~"

"Hey! That's so unfair, Feliciano! It isn't even my fault to begin with! I specifically asked to be placed next to brother or Roderich! That slut put me next to a creep instead!"

"Ve~ You called Ms. Héderváry a slut! I'm gonna tell on you!"

"Stop being so cocky! You've got my brother already! What more do you want!"

The door was booted open again as Feliciano dashed out of the lavatory.

"Hey! You haven't zipped your pants, Feli!" Gilbert's bawl echoed down the hallway as he chased after his Italian friend.

Ivan stared hollowly at the tainted blade, his hands trembling.

It didn't have to take a genius to figure out whom Gilbert had been talking about. He was so certain that the Prussian was referring to him- the notorious creep of the entire school.

And he thought he had already given his best shot smiling cordially at Gilbert when they first got assigned their seats at the beginning of the new semester. He didn't attempt to initiate any conversation because he was timid. He had thought a casual, amiable grin would do the trick. Yet, like many others, Gilbert was not at all impressed. He was, instead, intimidated.

Everyone felt menaced by his smile, which Ivan could never seem to comprehend.

He had always tried his hardest to act approachable, to look pleasant and normal but still…his effort was futile.

He had come down to one conclusion- he was born this way.

It was fate.

School was an incessant loop of torture for Ivan Braginski, who had never succeeded in befriending anyone since middle school. He had a friend once and he would never forget how he practically drove him away with his own imbecility and childish envy. Toris was the only person he could ever regard as a companion but that unstable friendship had always been hanging loose on a thread. Toris tagged along with Ivan simply because he sympathized with the lonely Russian. It was actually an act of pity, which Ivan was never aware of. The string eventually broke when Toris encountered Eduard and Raivis. When Toris decided to drift away from his side, Ivan could barely handle the loss. He still wondered what went wrong and snapped. His exasperation and grievance, however, didn't bring Toris back but further incited the Lithuanian boy to flee from was then Ivan realized the contemptible side of his.

His rage was massive. His grudge was ceaseless. When he flipped out, he lost control and went about hurting those he cherished.

In the end, all that was left was him, alone, to deal with the aftermath.

He would have quit school if his sister hadn't been encouraging him to get into a college. She was now the only one person he could cling to. His parents died young. He was never taught how to love or be loved. But this sister he could call a family member protected and sheltered him unconditionally. He knew well enough he could trust her. She was the reason he was still enduring till this day.

The bell chimed boisterously signaling the end of lunch break. Ivan grunted and tossed the blade into the dustbin. He rolled down his sleeves and strode out of the cubicle, merely managing to wash his wrists and clearing his tears before returning to his homeroom.

Oh well, it was Mathematics and he was seated next to that obnoxious American again.

Ivan tried to maintain his composure as he listened absentmindedly to his teacher. All the while, Alfred, his insolent neighbor, was making all sorts of brusque gestures and grimaces to his best friend- Kiku, who was sitting a few meters away. Ivan was sure Alfred was ridiculing him because when the American turned back again, he was winking scornfully at him.

"Dude, stop staring at me. You're spooking me out," Alfred scoffed.

Ivan averted his gaze instantly. Though fueled with fury, he inhaled deeply and calmed himself down. He just figured the goofball wasn't worth one percent of his attention at all.

The lesson dragged on forever. It didn't help much with Alfred practically disrupting the flow of the lecture every thirty minutes, with Feliciano being called on by the teacher every twenty minutes to remind him not to doze off in class and with Gilbert being scolded every five minutes because he was pretending to be a bird.

Worst of all, Ivan was picked to answer a challenging question that no one seemed to be able to solve. He had an intuition that the teacher chose him intentionally just to embarrass him in front of the class. Normally, he had no problems with Mathematics but this one question was just too difficult, not to mention that he wasn't paying much attention with Alfred shifting uncomfortably next to him.

When all the glances fell upon him, it only aggravated the situation. Ivan felt as though he could explode.

They were all waiting for him to answer but their gazes were all sending him daggers. Those expressions were flooded with scorn and annoyance. Everyone gaped at him like he was the odd one out, the ultimate outcast, the…freak.

"Mr. Braginski, can you answer this question?" the teacher asked again.

"Nyet, sorry," Ivan muttered sheepishly and sat down, fixating on the ground. He heard a few snickers and the loudest one came from Alfred, of course.

"Alfred Jones, if you know how to snicker at someone, you sure know how to answer to this question, right?"

The snicker trailed off. Alfred widened his eyes incredulously but retained an absolutely playful expression on his face. Just then, the bell rang. The American leapt up and whooped elatedly. "Yay! End of the lesson. See ya, teacher! Hahaha!"

If Maths was a torment, then gym had to be a living hell.

Ivan didn't expect to be requested to remove his scarf and cardigan, despite sweltering summer days.

He held onto these garments like his own life, not because they were given to him by his precious sister but because they masked his wrecked body. He swore he would die if anyone were to see those scars that stretched from his neck to his shoulder.

"Ivan, this is my last warning, remove those unnecessary clothes before we can proceed to our next game."

"Nyet," Ivan refused immediately, glaring up at his gym teacher, Mr. Adnan. He flinched instinctively as everyone turned to stare suspiciously at him. A few classmates were already whispering and tattle telling to one another.

"Remove them or you're not participating in this lesson."

"Let me help ya!"

Suddenly, a pair of arms clasped around his scarf and hauled it off. Ivan shrieked and spun around reflexively, shoving Alfred down to the ground. Everyone gasped and frowned curiously at the stitched blemish surrounding Ivan's neck.

The Russian shuddered in perplexity as his only protection from public judgment came off. He glared balefully at Alfred and clenched his fists. When he heard the soft mumbles circulating among the crowd again, he growled and scooted away as fast as his legs could carry him, ignoring all the callous comments flung at him.

"Ivan Braginski, come back here!" Mr. Adnan bellowed but Ivan didn't halt. He kept on sprinting speedily until he reached the stairs. He scrambled up and up and up and…eventually he stopped on the rooftop.

He couldn't fathom why his legs brought him there, but at that very moment, when he saw how insecure those fences were, a terrible thought started swirling in his mind.

He puckered his lips miserably and skittered towards the railing. He could easily cross over it and leap into the air. Then THUD! Everything would end in a second. All this humiliation. All this frustration. All this pain.

"Why am I still living anyway…" he asked himself.

He was a worthless piece of scum. Everyone deemed so.

He couldn't make a friend to save his life.

He couldn't even survive a school day without being insulted constantly for his eccentric looks and eerie demeanor.

The one friend he had ever had abandoned him for someone else.

He shut his eyes serenely and felt his weight against the railing. Slowly and tentatively, he crossed over it and stood on the edge.

No one would regret his death.

No one would miss him.

Every single day, life was the same for him- monotonous and anguishing.

Nothing would ever change the fact that he was an alien always isolated and despised by others.

He was a creep. A freak. A jerk.

No one would tend to him.

No one would understand him.

No one would love him.

So, why was he still living?

Why?

"Don't underestimate the power of gravity. If you fall from here, I'm sure it's going to hurt a thousand times more awful than what's paining you right now."

Ivan almost jumped in bewilderment as he suddenly heard the voice.

"Imagine every single joint of your body destroyed. Listen to the sound of your bone fracturing upon the immense collision. Your gorgeous skin will be scraped off. You will die a very hideous and degrading death. Do you seriously desire this?"

Ivan whirled around with a bemused frown, his heart racing manically as he came face-to-face with a mysterious raven-haired boy.

"Well?" The boy tilted his head anxiously and furrowed his brows. "More importantly, shouldn't you be asking yourself- is it worth it? Are those people worth your life?"

"Who are you?" Ivan asked, still flabbergasted by the abrupt appearance of an Asian boy. Sure enough, the school he was attending was an international academy that basically admitted students from all over the world, but he could swear he had never seen this boy around before. The only Asians he knew were a Japanese otaku named Kiku Honda, an annoying Korean boy named Im Yong Soo, his deadpan, enigmatic twin brother Im Hyung Soo, a solemn bookworm from Macau whose name was never mentioned explicitly and this extremely impassive Hong Kong trickster called Leon Wong. Never in his memory had he bumped into this stunning Asian with such an adorable, tender voice.

"I'll tell you my name if you step back here," the Asian boy bargained. "Please, life is precious. Whatever it is that's bothering you, we can figure this out. Just come back here, okay, Yi-wan?"

Ivan gasped, thunderstruck that the stranger knew his name, though he pronounced it inaccurately.

For reasons he could never conceive, Ivan actually grabbed onto the boy's hands and rolled over the railing. The Asian blurted out a relieved sigh as he pulled Ivan closer to him on the safe side.

"One false step and you'd have made the worst error in your life aru."

"You still haven't told me…who are you…" Ivan stuttered, his hand shivering in the other boy's grasp. The Asian seemed to notice how flustered and perturbed Ivan was. He released the large, chubby hand at once and chuckled coyly.

"The name's Wang Yao. You can call me Yao." Yao held up his hand again for Ivan to shake it. Reluctantly, the Russian took the much smaller hand into his palm, his face still flushing from the awkward encounter.

"I'm a Chinese," Yao added to his introduction. "In case you wonder."

Ivan didn't reply, for he was so drowned in the other's striking appearance. There was something about Yao's aura that captivated him. The Chinese boy had his shoulder-length silky black hair tied neatly into a convenient ponytail. His stature was petite but he emitted a wave of splendid confidence and grace. His two amber orbs almost sparkled with every blink. Ivan had rarely seen anyone with this remarkable colour of eyes.

"красивая _(beautiful)_..." Ivan mumbled uncontrollaby.

"Sorry?" Yao frowned and scratched his head. "What did you just say?"

"N-Nothing!" Ivan blushed immensely and stared at the ground, fiddling with his fingers nervously. It had been a while since he last had a decent, ordinary conversation with anyone about his age. And indeed, he did find this Chinese boy very enthralling and elegant. He was very eye-catching and handsome too.

"H-How…did you know…my name?" Ivan stammered, still twiddling his fingers to quell his frayed nerves.

"Um…let me see…" Yao mused, cocking his brows as he tried to recall how he got Ivan's name. "Aha! I remember seeing you here before. You often come here after school to stare aimlessly at the sky. I heard you yell out loud a couple of times aru. What a unique way to relieve stress."

"But my name…"

"One time, a girl came to pick you up. I think she called you Yi-wan or something."

"My name's Ivan…"

"Yi-wan."

"No, Ivan."

"Yi-wan?"

"Da…" Ivan giggled, making the other boy look puzzled.

"What?"

"Your accent is cute da, Jao."

"I'm Yao." Yao corrected.

"Jao."

"Yao."

"Jao-Jao…"

"Never mind."

And they both burst into laughter upon realizing the other could never pronounce their name appropriately.

"Sorry."

"No, me too aru." Yao tittered.

"It must be very embarrassing da…" Ivan muttered with a fiery blush. "you saw me several times but why…why haven't I see you before…"

"Oh, I was just around the corner," Yao nodded and pointed to the mini-green house where no one had bothered with the plants for years. Amazingly, as Ivan's eyes roamed over the glass windows, he could see everything flashy and green inside.

"I used to manage the Gardening Club but it got dissolved three years ago after it couldn't admit enough members. I still take care of those plants though," Yao laughed proudly to himself. "By the way, I'm trying to plant some four-leaved clovers here. I heard they bring good fortune aru."

"It's beautiful…" Ivan commented, glancing eagerly at the well-tended green house. Yao had absolutely taken great care of the place, despite working alone.

"Are you…I mean, were you the president?"

"Yea, I was," Yao smiled. "I was also the vice-president of Home Economics Club and the secretary of the Student Union."

"Oh…" Ivan frowned as he remembered the despicable American was also in the Student Union, and the current president at that.

"So Yi-wan…can you tell me why you were leaning so dangerously over the edge? You gave me quite a heart attack back there!"

"I…" Ivan paused, unable to describe the exact situation to Yao. He still hadn't pulled himself together after all this shock and surprise.

"Is there…something troubling you aru?" Yao asked. "You know you can always count on your senior! I can always help out since you look like a cute teddy bear!" The Chinese boy joked, patting Ivan's shoulder mirthfully.

"T-Teddy…bear?"

"Haha! Yes, you surely look like one. You remind me of a stuffed bear I used to own when I was small. Fluffy. Chubby. Big."

"Big?" Ivan's heart skipped a beat when he heard the word "big". People had always feared him because he was "big". "Is…is that a bad thing?"

"What? No! Why should it be? I can't believe I can meet a giant, living, walking teddy bear! It's my utmost pleasure aru! Oh, I still haven't said that but nice to meet ya!"

"Did you say you're a senior?" Ivan asked, a bit flattered at all the unusual compliments. People hardly praised him. In fact, they hardly respected him for that matter.

"Well, I'm in my last year here. You?"

"No wonder I haven't seen you before. So…you're my upperclassman?"

"Yup! I saw your grade 10 textbook. That makes me older than you aru~ Simple as that. So, trust me, I'm a problem-solver. I can always offer you any assistance you need. To be honest, I used to be a member in the Counseling Club too, when I was still a junior like you!"

"Just…how many clubs were you in, Jao…" Ivan sneered, unable to contain his laughter as he saw Yao pout with a childish pose. He doubted if this highly enthusiastic and conceited Asian could heed his problems.

"Come on! Believe it or not, I used to be depressed like you. Look." Yao confessed and rolled up the sleeves of his cardigan. Ivan gasped in disbelief as a series of faded scars were presented to him.

"Sh…this is my secret," Yao whispered, making a "keep quiet" gesture. "Don't tell anyone about this. I only let you know since you kinda look like an emo. I guess you often do this to yourself too, right?"

Without asking for permission, Yao seized Ivan's wrist and inspected his wound. Ivan whimpered and quickly retrieved his hand in defense.

"Here, Yi-wan," Yao rummaged in his pocket and tossed a tiny roll of bandages towards Ivan. "If you don't patch it up, it might get infected. I got it once. It hurt like hell. But then again, pain is all we want, isn't it?"

"Please…don't tell anyone…" Ivan hummed.

"No worries aru! We're allies! But I quit doing that some time ago because I figured there's always a way to tackle a problem. So, just look on the bright side, Yi-wan! What's wrong with your life anyway?"

"I…I don't know how to say it…da…" Ivan sighed, creasing his brows together. "Aren't you…aren't you scared when you talk to me…?"

"Huh?" Yao frowned, mystified. "Why should I be?"

"I…I'm new to this school…"

"I know. I've only seen you since a couple of weeks ago."

"And…they're scared of me…because I look big and creepy…Can't really fit in…I hate school…Can't make any friends…Everything in my life is wrong da…Everything is on the wrong path…"

"I don't think so aru." Yao shook his head firmly and crossed his arms. "It's just you thinking that something's wrong. Well, maybe something's really wrong, but for every action, there's always a reaction force. You double the trouble with your own pessimistic thoughts. Oh but that's all what high school despair is all about. I tell you what, I'm friendless too! I always screw things up and even if I eat a ton of fortune cookies I always end up getting back luck. Suck balls! That's how life is. I mean, if your only problem is having no friends, Yi-wan, I can be your friend if you want! And no! I don't think you're scary! I wish to grow that big. I'm always teased for being feminine which is so damn irritating! You know how things go in an all-boys' school aru." Yao pulled a disgusted grimace and lowered his volume. "There're so many desperate perverts in here!"

"Y-You…mean it?" Ivan widened his eyes.

"Yes! Like they keep writing me sickening love letters every day even though I tell them to buck off!"

"No…I mean…do you…really…are you willing to be my comrade…?"

"Comrade?" Yao blinked inquisitively. "That's a fascinating term. Sure, I mean hell yes. Like, you're friendless and I'm friendless. We can be allies aru! And I need a lackey, no, I mean an assistant to help with the green house too! Haha! Oh and-" Yao yelped as a pair of arms suddenly enclasped him.

"Y-Yi-wan?" he gasped, taken aback by the Russian's tight embrace.

"Спасибо."

"Huh?"

"Thank you!"

"Woah…you…you're welcome?" Yao said, though he wasn't sure why Ivan was showing him gratitude.

"Yi-wan?" Yao chirped after what seemed like an eternity. Ivan was still hugging him. "I think I just saw your girlfriend."

"Huh?" Ivan let go of Yao and scowled. "I…I don't have a girlfriend, Jao…"

"That girl…" Yao pointed to the woman with light-blonde hair below. "She always comes to pick you up at the school gate?"

"That…oh…she's my big sister…I got into trouble again…that's why the principal's called her over…" Ivan sighed in dismay.

"Oh, tell me later. Should you be going now?"

"Da…will…will we see each other again?"

"Definitely," Yao nodded. "Go now or they will be searching all over for you aru."

"Well then…I shall see you tomorrow da?"

"I'll be here anyway. I'm going back to gardening. See you later, Yi-wan." Yao hummed as he turned around and strutted back into the greenhouse.

For the very first time, Ivan felt incredibly calm as he got called into the principal's office. Even if he knew his sister would be very upset with his misbehavior, he couldn't imagine how delighted she would be when he finally told her that he had met a friend.

And his name was Yao.

"Jao," Ivan smirked as he plodded downstairs, readying himself to deal with the daily mishap.


	3. Chapter 3

"There appears to be a horrible misunderstanding, Miss. Braginski."

Iryna fidgeted with her hands and sighed.

The principal explained the situation to the Russian female and apologized for the inconvenience.

Ivan was led into the office room in no time, his head kept down so that his bangs could shield his disoriented complexion.

"Do take a seat, Ivan."

The Russian boy reluctantly sat down on the chair next to his sister's and buried his face into his scarf. He had been given back the garment by the gym teacher at the door.

"We understand that it is challenging to adapt to a new environment and integrate into a completely different community than your previous one," the principal started. "Ivan, Mr. Adnan here wants to apologize for forcing you to take off your cardigan and scarf earlier this afternoon. Apparently, he does not know that you're very sensitive to exposing your scars to others. We are sincerely sorry for frightening you."

"Sorry, boy," the Turkish gym teacher nodded heartily. "I should've looked into the matter more cautiously next time. I've settled the class already. Alfred is getting his detention. There should be no more commotion next time and you can keep wearing your scarf during the lesson."

Ivan frowned a little but remained speechless, feeling his sister's hand pat his back lightly.

"It is we who have to apologize for causing you so much trouble since Ivan's been here. He is…very introverted and reclusive as you can see. My brother doesn't fit in very well here. I'm wholly grateful for all the assistance and support your staff have been providing him all this time."

"No worries, Miss. Braginski," the principal shook his head solemnly. "We're willing to help out as much as possible. We do wish is for our students to enjoy thoroughly a fruitful school life here. We're striving to cultivate a heart-warming, interactive learning atmosphere. Something has been concerning us though. Ivan, we do honestly want to know if there's something wrong between you and the rest of the class….like…are they bothering you?"

Ivan stiffened, his eyes wandering fretfully across the ground. There was no way he would concede that he had been segregated from the crowd ever since he arrived at this school. The fact that his isolation and inability to blend in the class was now being discussed bugged him a lot.

"Ivan dear? Is everything alright?" Iryna asked, perturbed as she bent down to gaze at her anti-social brother. He would have concealed everything for all she knew. He never wished to burden her and yet she was more than pleased if he would just share his daily problem with her.

"It's…okay….da. I'm fine," Ivan murmured, knowing how invalid his statement sounded. The principal was not convinced. He took a deep breath and sighed.

"As you know, our school is a prestigious one around this neighborhood. We do not tolerate any sort of misbehavior, including any issues relevant to bullying, teasing and pranks. If there's anything serious going on, do inform us immediately, Ivan. If your classmates are giving you a hard time, please tell us. We'll always offer you help, okay?"

"Da…" Ivan nodded, a bit placated that the meeting was going to be over.

As they walked out of the office room in silence and past his classroom, Ivan caught sight of a whining American staying behind alongside two of his mischievous friends. Ivan chuckled inwardly. The day couldn't have been better. He had thought he would be scolded by the principal but well…it seemed that they were all caring about him. What pleasured him more was the fact that he had met a friend!

The engine sprang into life as Iryna twirled the key in the hole. She shot Ivan a pacifying smile before she started driving them off the parking lot. All this time, Ivan couldn't help glancing towards the school's rooftop, wondering if Yao had left yet. To his ecstasy, the boy he was craving to see was standing near the railing and waving at him. Even in distance, he could make out Yao's gorgeous skeleton and lithe silhouette. Ivan smiled and waved back as the car began to skid across the road.

"Ivan?" Iryna glimpsed her brother.

"Yes?"

"Who're you waving at? A friend of yours?"

"Da." Ivan smiled gleefully and fiddled with his fingers.

"Oh really? I'm so glad you've finally made a friend!" Iryna smiled elatedly. "Tell me about it, Vanya."

"I told you not to call me that," Ivan pouted and stared out of the window.

"Haha, can't really control myself sometimes. After all, mom used to call you with that cute nickname."

"His name is Jao," Ivan said out of the blue, his eyes still roaming over the streets. "And he's a Chinese."

"Did you meet him today? I thought it would've been that boy called Alfred."

"Nyet!" Ivan yelped instantly. "I don't like that American. He's very annoying."

"You two should really make up to each other. Apologize to him tomorrow, Ivan. You've been rather rude too."

"Nyet. I'm not talking to that dork."

"Come on," Iryna sighed. "You've got to be nice to your classmates."

"Well, they aren't nice to me."

"That's because you've always been keeping everything to yourself. If you don't speak up and socialize with people more, they will never get to understand the person you are."

"It doesn't matter, da. I've got a comrade already."

"So, about this Yao, is he your classmate?" Iryna asked curiously, somewhat thankful that her awfully meek, solitary brother had finally made an acquaintance.

"Nyet…he said he's my senior. I only met him today…"

"Still a promising start. Don't lose this precious friend of yours, Ivan."

"Da, I won't," Ivan grinned back. "I'm going to find him at school tomorrow. He's pretty cute too."

"Ah, a Chinese boy, should have expected that. They do have a very fascinating culture, I think. It's good you've met someone special and intriguing."

"Thank you, sis."

"You know you can tell me anything if you're facing a problem. I'll always be there to help out," Iryna said affectionately and stroked her brother's hair. "We're a family after all, right?"

"Da," Ivan smiled brightly. All the melancholy whirling in his mind vanished at once.

That day when he returned home, he didn't cut himself anymore.

* * *

The next day, Ivan darted to the rooftop right after the bell of recess rang. Before reaching there though, he bumped into his foe.

"Woah, dude, watch out!" Alfred cried in alert, holding out his hands in defense.

"Stop making a fuss and watch where you're going, git!" The blond next to him accused like a mentor, nodding apologetically at Ivan.

"Oh, it's you," Alfred snorted immediately knowing the one he had crashed into was Ivan. "Why do I get to see you all the time?"

"Da. I should say the same about you," Ivan replied with the same level of repulsion.

"Seriously, what the bloody hell is wrong between you two?" Arthur scowled, his eyes tracing from his best friend to this new transferred student.

"Nah, some sort of mild conflict."

"You must be the one who started it, I guess?" Arthur shook his head in disapproval. "You must've forgotten what I've told you before."

"Fine, it's my bad, okay?" Alfred turned to Ivan and pouted. "Shouldn't have pulled off your scarf yesterday, dude. Sorry about that."

Ivan gasped in surprise. To know that the usually narcissistic, oblivious American was willing to lower himself gave him quite a shock.

"Da. I apologize for my rudeness too," Ivan nodded, which also baffled the American.

"Woah…it's…" Alfred scratched his head awkwardly, somewhat flattered. "It's no problem, dude! Didn't know you could actually speak. You're always so quiet."

"I refrain from speaking unnecessary," Ivan replied composedly.

"So, I'm guessing we're even?"

"Da." Ivan shrugged and walked past the two blonds. There was something more significant he had to tend to.

As he plodded upstairs, he could hear vaguely from far distance the two's conversation.

 _"_ _Told you to stop being hostile towards others, wanker!"_

 _"_ _Ouch! Stop mangling my ear, Artie!"_

A smile emerged on his face as Ivan reached the rooftop. There, perching on top of the greenhouse was the beautiful Chinese boy.

"您好! Looking good, aren't you?" Yao tittered as he gestured for the Russian to join him in the sunbath.

"P-Privet~" Ivan greeted subserviently and climbed up the ladder. Wrapping his scarf tighter around the neck, he flumped down next to the Asian.

"So relaxing aru. I like lying in the sun," Yao claimed. "It always calms my nerves."

"You…You got here pretty early, da?"

"There's one thing called skipping class," Yao chuckled at Ivan's innocence. "I don't like gym anyway."

"Me neither."

"What?" Yao sat up immediately and gawked down at the Russian. "Do they laugh at you too?"

"Huh?"

"You know…since I'm kinda a shorty…and I look quite feminine, I always get teased wearing my gym shirts." The Chinese croaked.

"You do look like a girl. I thought you were one before I heard your voice…" Ivan admitted bluntly. Yao laughed.

"You're quite bold, aren't you?"

"Sorry…"

"It's no big deal. I've got these remarks for years. I'm accustomed to them. I just don't like jogging that much and Mr. Adnan can be quite infuriating sometimes."

"I know," Ivan echoed.

"So, care to tell me more about yourself, little friend?" Yao smiled. Ivan thought it was the most dazzling thing ever.

He unraveled himself to Yao, of course. He told him a variety of things about himself he had never told anyone before. For some reason, Yao's presence quelled and consoled him a lot. He felt secure revealing his inferiority in front of him.

In return, Ivan learnt a bit more of the Chinese boy too. He knew how he was born and raised in a reputable family, hence explaining his admission to this school. His family was appallingly strict and conservative, with his father being unreasonably stern towards his kids. His mother, in much contrast, was more considerate. He had two younger sisters and a stepbrother whom his father conceived with a Japanese woman in a love affair. Yao's mother was surprisingly tolerant and forgiving towards her husband's adultery. When the Japanese woman perished in a car accident, the family took in the kid. Yao treated him like his own brother.

"Your family is so complicated…"

"Well, I bet everyone's family is more or less this complicated, to some extent."

"I don't have a family," Ivan blurted out.

"I'm sorry," Yao purred with a sympathetic look.

"It's okay. My parents died when I was very small. My sister's been taking care of me since. We got adopted by relatives a couple of times but my foster parents were all very…"

"Very…what?"

Ivan frowned bitterly and showed the scar around his neck to Yao.

"No…this…this is horrendous aru!"

"It's lucky we got to elude that terrible home. The orphanage eventually took us in and we grew up there. When big sister graduated from her college, she got a decent job so we moved here. You can say that we can finally live on our own."

"She sure is a charming lady aru. At least, you have someone kind around you."

"Don't your family care about you too, Jao?"

"They…" Yao faltered and sighed, staring up at the sky. "We're not that intimate. I think it's going to rain soon aru, which reminds me, I ought to water my peonies." The Chinese boy steered away from the topic swiftly and climbed down the ladder.

"Wait, Jao, the bell's going to ring soon," Ivan yelled after the Asian but followed him nonetheless.

"You can go back to your homeroom first, Yi-wan," Yao smiled understandingly. "I still need to do some planting."

"Well, I'll stay here and help out then," Ivan offered and was immediately enchanted by the polychromic garden shimmering before his eyes. No one in the world would have taken better care of the greenhouse then Yao. It came almost as a paradise to Ivan. The place was filled with an assortment of scintillating blooms. Every single color on the color continuum was present and Ivan even caught sight of his favourite kind of flowers.

"Sunflowers!" Ivan exclaimed as he scooted towards a corner with a few sunflowers growing in the pot. "This is like a dream, Jao!"

"向日葵," Yao muttered softly.

"Eh?"

"We call these向日葵 in Chinese. So…you like them?"

"I love them, da! A whole lot!" Ivan nodded his head vigorously, almost hugging the pot.

"Haha, you're so cute, Yi-wan," Yao giggled. "You know, we're kind of running out of space here. I've grown too many things. I think if we clear off some corners, we can grow more of these. But first, we have to buy some seeds."

"R-Really?"

"Yes. We can grow more and you can bring some home! They look good as ornaments. And they always cheer you up!"

"This is the best!" Ivan bounced exuberantly and pulled the Chinese boy into a bear hug.

"W-Wait…Yi-wan…you're choking me!" Yao huffed as he struggled against the towering Caucasian.

"S-Sorry, Jao," Ivan laughed sheepishly.

"Is alright aru. Just remember not to crush me, big boy." Yao teased, fondling the other's chubby cheeks playfully.

"I…I'll find you again at lunch, da?" Ivan blushed. It felt odd to be caressed by another guy but well, since it was Yao, he permitted the teasing. The Asian was too angelic and tempting.

"Sure! I'll be waiting here." Yao let go of the Russian and retrieved his spade, ready for his gardening time.

"Se-See you later."

Although Ivan had said that calmly, his heart couldn't stop racing. He was too naive to even recognize that this inevitable feeling bubbling up in his heart was the beginning of what would be called love.

* * *

Ivan returned to the rooftop at lunch as promised. In fact, he visited there every single day whenever possible. Every time, Yao would be there waiting for him and it always delighted the Russian to see that someone actually grew unnerved when he went missing.

Yao was an enticing person. He always had an array of tales ready to tell Ivan.

The boy was also an honour student, or so Ivan had been told. There was nothing Yao couldn't solve and he had become a greater learning partner than ever. Whatever obstacle there was, the Chinese boy would usually tackle it with no ado. And this fact alone amazed Ivan utterly.

He grew extremely, if not excessively, fond of Yao. It was also because of the fact that Yao was his savior. If he hadn't prevented him from jumping off the roof that day, Ivan knew well he would have long been drop dead. There would never be such a twist of events. He was relieved that the principal's words were somehow true. No one bothered him anymore. Even Alfred and Gilbert had gotten so much more disciplined and obedient under their teachers' surveillance. Ivan was finally able to get along with his classmates fairly well, often with much help and tips from Yao.

"First step to making more friends- smile naturally," Yao taught him. "Not the kind of feigned smile. They will know when you're pretending to be friendly. It always turns out creepy and drives people away instead of attracting them." The Chinese boy showed his friend his own example of a natural smile. Ivan watched indulgently, his senses swept away as he reveled in Yao's generous affection.

"Ermmmm!" Yao gasped as the Russian suddenly bound their lips together. "What-What are you doing aru!"

"S-Sorry…it was…" Ivan panicked, his face reddening upon realizing his terrible mistake. He feared immediately that the other boy would lash out but Yao remained rather poised. "Aiyah, just…don't do that again all of a sudden…even if you're on your impulse…it startled me aru…are you…like…gay for real?"

"Huh?" Ivan frowned in confusion.

"Gay as you like guys?"

"I don't know," the Russian shrugged. Honestly, he had never given it much consideration. His sexual orientation had never come to his question until...well...until he met Yao.

"It's okay. Like, I swing both ways."

"You mean…"

"I mean there isn't fundamentality in love. You act according to how you feel. It doesn't really matter what gender the other one is. I have to keep this from my family though. My dad is strongly opposed to homosexuality, like he expects me to inherit the family business and guarantee descendants to the Wang's household. But well, I'm not that interested in girls. I hardly meet any by the way. If he's sent me to a co-educational school in the first place, maybe there would be more chance that I could hang out with some girls aru."

"Nyet. Don't…" Ivan murmured. "I'd…prefer you being my friend only…"

"You're weird," Yao commented but laughed. "I like you too, Yi-wan. Maybe we're possible. I don't know. We'll have to see in the future aru."

"I…I won't give up readily da," Ivan said determinedly. "Cause…Jao deserves the best. I will try my hardest to meet the criteria..."

"Enough, Yi-wan." Yao shushed him with a smile. "I feel simply blessed that you're willing to be my friend. I don't have many to begin with. I don't mix well with my classmates."

"Are they…mean to you?"

"Um…it's just that…" Yao wavered and gazed down at the ground. "Just that I find those Westerners…very frivolous and cheeky…"

"What do you think of me then?"

"You're…different…You feel different. I don't know. Maybe it's empathy because I used to be like you," Yao admitted. "Couldn't really get along with others…but unlike you, I used to be…um…very haughty and full of myself…got despised and belittled for that. Never really got many acquaintances and well…you can say I'm a bit of a loner but that doesn't really bother me much."

"But Jao, you're always so merry and energetic…I never thought you would've…" Ivan paused as he glimpsed the Chinese's boy's wrist. It was meticulously hidden under his long sleeves despite the scotching weather.

"Yi-wan…have you heard that the saddest people are always the ones who try their hardest to…make others happy?"

"Jao…"

"It's because they know how it feels to be totally worthless and forlorn…and they don't want this to happen to anyone around them, especially those they actually care about." Yao hummed gloomily.

"But I think you look the prettiest when you're smiling for real," Ivan said, reaching out his hand to ruffle the other's hair. "And Jao is the kindest person I've ever met…"

"Really?"

"Da. I don't lie."

"You're such a big child but that's something I like about you. Please don't hurt yourself anymore, Yi-wan. Don't repeat the same mistake I've once made." Yao grinned, "You can always do better aru. And I'll be here for you."

"We're the best team, da?"

"Well, if you say so." Yao laughed, returning the hug to the larger boy.

* * *

Jiggling the panda keychain, Ivan promenaded along the isles in search for sunflower seeds. The tiny trinket was exclusively handmade for him. The Chinese boy had bragged about some adorable, fluffy creatures called pandas that originated from his birthplace, going as far as to boast about having taken care of one as a pet when he was a kid. Ivan always enjoyed Yao's sharing. The Asian also gave him plenty of small gifts consisting of snacks, Chinese needlework and exquisite handicrafts- an act that often rendered Ivan rather guilty. As a way to show his gratitude, the Russian decided to purchase a few bags of seeds and fertilizers to aid Yao's gardening.

Days had rolled on and gradually turned into months since their first encounter. Never had Ivan missed a school day of meeting Yao on the rooftop. The feeling he developed for the Chinese boy strengthened alongside their bonds. The only thing that pestered Ivan though was the fact that Yao never reciprocated to his confession explicitly and refused to go on a date with him. They texted each other occasionally outside class but Yao often claimed to be busy. His contact with others was frequently prohibited during test weeks and restricted to a couple of hours before curfew on normal days. Ivan found the way Yao's father fostered his children extremely outrageous, of course, but couldn't do much to alter the situation. The sole place they could spend the majority of their time together was the school's rooftop…and the greenhouse Yao sometimes valued more than his own life.

Ivan turned around the corner deftly, not realizing another person was approaching right towards him. The two bumped into and collided with each other rather forcefully. Ivan toppled backwards and the brunette he had accidentally crashed into nearly fell on his butt on the floor.

"Ouch…" the boy grumbled as all the contents in his hands went spilling across the ground.

Petrified by the voice, Ivan gaped at his past companion, not knowing if he ought to elude the scene or stay on the spot.

When Toris finally got back up, he also glanced at Ivan in sheer astonishment, shuddering slightly due to mild fear.

"P-Privet…Toris." Ivan mustered his courage to greet. "It's…er…long time no see, da?"

"Yes, Ivan…" Toris stuttered, dodging effectively from the other boy's intense stare.

 ** _Second step to building good relationships with others- be yourself, admit your own shortcomings and be as forgivable, generous as possible aru._**

Yao's voice swarmed in Ivan's head as he struggled to break the prolonged silence between him and Toris. In the end, he grabbed the other's arm and pulled him out of the store. They two settled down on a bench on the sidewalk.

"I-Ivan…why you bring me out…here?" Toris quivered uncomfortably, scooting as far away from the Russian as he could and inwardly praying for his boyfriend Feliks to come back from the fashion boutique.

"Toris, we need to talk. I mean, I want to tell you somethinga."

"What…is it then?"

"I'm sorry." Ivan apologized and looked at the Lithuanian earnestly.

"Huh?"

"You heard me…I said I'm sorry da…for spraining your wrist last time."

"Well…that was…two years ago. I never held a grudge against you, Ivan. Just…let that issue go already." Toris sighed, rubbing his pants edgily.

"So you forgive me?"

"Yes, yes. I was never mad at you anyway. I should've introduced you to Raivis and Eduard at that time instead of leaving you alone. The fault is mine."

"Nyet. I guess we both did something wrong," Ivan stated. "I just thought I owed you a profound apology, comrade. Either way, you don't have to look so scared when you see me from now on because I don't plan on hurting you in any way."

"Then why did you follow me into this school?" Toris asked. Ivan shook his head and stood up from the bench.

"I wasn't stalking you. I came here because my sister got a promotion at work."

"Really?"

"Da. I won't bother you anymore."

"W-Wait," Toris said abruptly. "Ivan…"

"Yes?"

"Are you interested in joining the Arts Club?" Toris smiled. "Our club is still recruiting members. I remember that you love painting a lot. Just wondering if this appeals to you by any chance."

"I'm okay with that but…I'm already in a club."

"Which one?"

"The Gardening Club."

"The Gardening Club?" Toris frowned and pondered hard for a moment, trying to recall the existence of this rare club. "Is there one?"

"Da. It got dismissed some years ago and now we only have two members. We're pretty occupied with the greenhouse… but…if I have extra time, I might drop by the arts room," Ivan said proudly. Although Yao had never made him an official committee member of the club, he regarded himself his greatest working partner. If he had to choose between Yao and something else, he would always pick the former one.

"Well then, see you, comrade." Ivan bid Toris a farewell and scurried back to the store to continue running his errands.

"Wow, so you're, like, sitting here like an idiot this whole time?" Feliks grumbled, hands on his hip as he stood before Toris with mountains of shopping bags.

"What?" Toris snapped out of his trance and gazed up at his Polish boyfriend. He almost fainted at the massive quantity of Felik's bought commodities.

"Oh no…not again…did you…did you pay with my credit card again?!" Toris whined, shaking his head in dismay.

"As if it's enough to afford this. Anyway, we're, like, going home. My legs, like, hurt a lot after shopping for, like, six hours." Feliks dumped the bags sluggishly in front of Toris and stretched his arms. After fixing his ridiculously conspicuous shirt (or dress as it was long enough to be one), he started trudging away and motioning for the other boy to follow suit.

"W-Wait! How am I supposed to carry all these, Feliks!"

"I'll, like, carry some for you," Feliks chuckled cunningly and took two bags, leaving the rest to his submissive boyfriend.

"W-Wait up!" Toris could barely catch up with his partner's pace before blurting out the question. "Feliks, I want to ask you something!"

"Yea?"

"Is there actually a Gardening Club in our school?"

Feliks shrugged, not even bothering to stop and look at his boyfriend.

"Not that I've heard of."

"That's exactly what I think!"

"What the hell is wrong with you, Toris? HURRY UP! I'm, like, super hungry!" The Polish snarled, dragging the poor Lithuanian across the street.

Sometimes, just _sometimes_ , Toris reckoned that his lover could be more daunting than the Russian.


	4. Chapter 4

"Jao!" The Russian called out and wrapped his arms protectively around a gigantic bag of seeds.

Yao whirled around with a curved smile and abandoned his pruners. He took the bag from the blond with his gloved hands.

"Let me see aru." He peeked into the plastic bag feverishly and grabbed a handful of sunflower seeds. "Looks good to me."

"Da. What are you doing?"

"Trimming." Yao placed the bag on the ground gingerly and tossed the Russian a pair of gloves and a spade. "Well, shall we start aru?"

The two managed to settle in a spacious corner and focused intently on their planting. They splayed the seeds into an enormous pot. Ivan personally didn't think it was arduous work even though he had always heard that gardening required additional patience and vivid interest. He wasn't exactly into this sort of past-times but as long as Yao was beside him, he was always absorbed thoroughly in the activity.

"I look forward to seeing them blossom," Yao grinned, satisfied with his work. He wiped off beads of sweat dripping down his forehead and took off the sullied gloves. He grabbed his bottle from the table and guzzled down the water.

"Da. Thank you so much, Jao," Ivan beamed, still unable to remove his eyes from pot.

"Are you going to keep staring at the soil until the sprouts come out?" Yao chuckled, leaping agilely onto the wooden table.

"Nyet. Is there something else we have to do?"

"Not really. Just remember to water it every day but oh well, I will be here taking care of these plants anyway."

Ivan nodded and flopped down beside the Asian.

"I met an old friend last week," Ivan piped up.

"And?"

"The one I told you about."

"Oh…the one you had a little skirmish with?"

"I have to tell you something, Jao." Ivan took a deep breath and stared at his feet sullenly.

"是?"

"Um…" The Russian fidgeted. The Chinese boy gently patted Ivan's shoulder with an encouraging smile, almost as if he had long predicted the imminent confession.

"Go on."

"I'm not…really who you think I am, Jao…" Ivan sighed.

"Oh, then, who are you?" Yao asked and nestled his head on the other's shoulder.

Ivan scooted closer to the Chinese boy reflexively.

"I...am a creep da? That's what they all call me behind my back," Ivan admitted bluntly. "And…I really am. I did something terrible…something unpardonable in the past. I was very grouchy…very feisty and…tactless…I hurt someone I cared. I drove away a friend because of my selfishness."

"Then did you reconcile with each other?"

"I don't know…I did what you told me. Be generous. Be friendly. Apologize and admit my own faults. He said he forgave me and even invited me to join his club. I guess…it's settled, da?"

"Yes aru. You did excellent!" Yao smiled brightly. "Isn't this a good news then? Perhaps we should celebrate aru."

"Jao, don't you think that I'm a freak?"

"What?"

"Aren't you scared? Sometimes, I'm lost and I lose temper easily and-"

"You've never lost your temper in front of me, which I think is fine. Even if you can't control your outrage, I'm not scared because we are friends, okay? Friends stick to each other till the end. They accept each other's inadequacies. What makes people compatible is the way they complement each other and balance out the other's shortcomings, right?"

"Da…you're right. I just thought that you might actually hate me for that. They think I'm queer."

"Unique is the right vocabulary aru. I'm so done with keeping up my appearance and living up to others' expectations." Yao snorted, "I'll tell you a secret aru, since you're such a good friend."

The Chinese boy rose and whispered into Ivan's ear quietly, "I'm devising a runaway plan aru."

"A-what?"

"This is my last year here. I'll heading for the entrance exams soon," Yao sighed. "Dad wants me to get into a local university, with the top ranking of course. I don't think I really want to do that. The college I wish to get into isn't his muse but I'm thinking of moving out sooner or later anyway. And I won't be inheriting his business at all. I'll just achieve whatever I want to and lead a carefree life."

"What do you want to be?"

"Me? This is…er…" the Chinese boy blushed and giggled nervously. "I want to be a chef. I want to own my own restaurant and…well…what's else…I just want to live as an independent person and perhaps sometimes I get my leisure from gardening, hair-style or other part-time. It sounds fun and at least, it is much better than getting stuck in an executive office calculating profits and launching tedious business proposals. I don't want to live for anyone else. The life is mine, right?"

"Da. Jao is amazing," Ivan smiled. "I agree with you. I think you should do something you like. Jao will still be my friend after you graduate, da?"

"Of course! I will come back often, Yi-wan. And don't you slack off! I will leave this greenhouse into your care and…I will…" Yao trailed off, staring out of the glass windows.

"What?"

Yao hushed. Ivan followed his glance and immediately knew what had interrupted the Asian's talking.

There, standing outside the greenhouse, was Alfred. The American was crunching his chocolate cracker when he spotted Ivan inside. He stared blankly at the Russian. The two exchanged a rather unpleasant glare but didn't bicker. Ivan watched Alfred frown in utter bemusement before scurrying back to the stairs and vanishing from the rooftop completely.

"I hate him."

"Alfred. F. Jones?"

"You know him?" Ivan gasped and blinked incredulously at Yao.

"The self-claimed hero of the school but is in fact a big bully, haha. Why wouldn't I know him aru? He's the most unbelievable person I've ever seen. To think that he never actually respects any of us sophomores."

"Da. I wish I could crush him into pieces with a pipe."

"Aiyah! That's violent, Yi-wan!"

"Just kidding," Ivan laughed. "I wonder why he looked so scared, da? I didn't even say anything."

"Your demeanor alone drove him away. I told you to be friendly aru."

"I can't be friendly to someone I don't like, da?"

"Well, that makes sense to me. Where were we again?"

"You said you will leave the greenhouse to me and…?"

"Oh that's right! I will wait for you," Yao asserted. "So, don't ever screw up your exams like that stupid Prussian. It's his second year being stuck in grade 11. He's supposed to be with us."

"Da, he has a very little brain. Who can blame him?" Ivan smiled.

"Aiyah, you're giving me that creepy smile again aru!"

"Sorry."

"You can't change, can you?" Yao scoffed, poking the other's cheeks gleefully. "Never mind. You're good the way you are."

"Jao." Ivan paused, clasping the Asian's hands firmly. A moment of silence took the reign before the Chinese boy broke the tranquility with a cough, hinting just how embarrassed he was being stared at so seriously by the other party. "Last time you told me a tale da."

"It was a Chinese legend. Yea, what about it?"

"I was wondering why they couldn't be together," Ivan asked.

"Because the cowherd was a human and the weaving maid was a fairy. Their fates shouldn't have crossed." Yao explained, leaning listlessly against the Russian.

"You know you never finished the story. Did they get to meet each other again after being separated by the Queen of Heaven?"

"Oh right, I didn't tell you the ending, did I?" Yao glimpsed the Russian and realized that he was still waiting for the last part of the tale. "Well…after the the Queen of Heaven discovered their illegitimate marriage, she commanded the weaving maid to return to heaven. They forced her to leave her husband and children. However, despite the atrocious separation, their love for each other remained as strong as ever. They pleaded, of course, to be reunited. The heaven was touched and showed compassion by allowing them to meet each other once a year. They were banished to the opposite ends of the Silver River but every year on the seventh day of the seventh lunar month, flocks of magpies would form a bridge in Milk Way for them to reunite. That's how one of our festivals, 七夕 was born."

"I don't get it da. If they love each other, why can't they be together forever?" Ivan retorted critically.

"Aiyah, this is how the story goes. Because they are not the same species!"

"Still, shouldn't they-"

"Yi-wan, in Chinese, we believe in 緣. It's a similar concept to 'fate'. When 緣 ends, love is gone. It's like searching for the right one among the crowd. At the same time you're searching for that person, they are also looking for you. It all depends on timing and destiny. If you two have 緣分, then you're destined to be together. What I'm trying to say is, Yi-wan, love stories don't always sum up with a 'happily ever after'. It doesn't matter if you sympathize with the characters or not, there're so many factors attributing to the tragic fall of a relationship. Sentiments from us bystanders never work to change anything."

"I feel sad," Ivan muttered forthrightly. "It doesn't make sense to me…It isn't fair. Your tales are always so depressing."

"Life is never fair to begin with." Yao shrugged indifferently and laid his head down on Ivan's lap. "I can tell you more if you like."

"Is this one going to be happier?"

"I don't know, maybe."

"Let me hear it."

"There was once a beautiful hare that possessed magical powers. He had never seen the outside world, for he was always locked and sheltered inside a cage. Its existence served the sole purpose of appeasing the royalty. He was a prince's dearest pet." Yao recited, "One day, the prince went on a voyage and brought the hare with him. As they passed the woods, the cage was forgotten by the servants. For the first time in his life, the hare was able to see something extremely different from the palace. It was the forest; the place he ought to belong to. As the prince discovered his pet missing, he started looking everywhere for him. The hare panicked and at this time, a creature appeared. It was a wolf that had been targeting the magical hare for a while, prowling cautiously inside the bushes and observing his chance. He knew the hare had never been exposed to the outside world so he approached him. The hare's instincts warned him that the wolf was spiteful and yet he was his only savior. And so, the wolf asked if he yearned to be set free from the cage. The hare wavered for a moment, not certain of the wolf's intention. Either he got stuck inside the cage for the rest of his life, living merely as pet for the prince or he broke free from the constraints and lived as a wild animal once. He chose the latter. The wolf destroyed the cage and saved him. The hare was beyond grateful. Instead of devouring his prey, however, the wolf decided to befriend him and earned his trust. The hare followed the wolf into the woods and saw lots of amazing things he had always only be able to see in his dreams. Believe it or not, the hare fell irreversibly in love with the wolf. He didn't realize that the wolf was in fact his predator and that he was saving him for a particular reason. The hare soon grew bigger and it looked ever so delicious to the wolf. Then, there came one day it was surrounded by a pack of wolves. It turned out that the wolf had brought along his companions to share the meal. Once they ate the hare up, they would be granted immortality and could live forever without the threat of being hunted. The hare didn't flee, for he couldn't. He didn't loathe the wolf either, even if he felt wholly misled. He thanked the wolf for saving him and for giving him an opportunity to live like a real hare in wildlife."

Ivan shifted uncomfortably in his seat and ogled the Asian, a disturbed expression plastered all over his face as he struggled to register Yao's speech.

"Well, this is."

"Wait, this is even worse than the previous one da? Jao must be joking, eh?"

"What? The story is real aru."

"Nyet. You made that up." Ivan pinpointed straightforwardly, causing the other boy to pout in annoyance. "There must be something missing."

"Alright. I will tell you, that the wolf did love the hare. He didn't want to kill him but it was a task he had to fulfill for his companions. He had no choice but to gobble the hare up along with the others."

"This is absurd. Again, if they love each other, why would they hurt each other?"

"There are times we're left with no choice, Yi-wan. That's the point. Even a moment of temporary bliss is hypnotizing enough and also because nature has its own rules. Wolves predate. Hares are preyed."

"If you're talking about hierarchy, I think everyone should just become one da? And also, I do not accept the ending. So, I'm going to say, as the hare was surrounded by the wolves, a bear suddenly appeared. He fought away the wolves and rescued the hare. When the hare asked why he saved him, the bear answered 'because I've always been in love with you.'"

Yao frowned and spun up from Ivan's lap. "Are you serious aru?"

"Da, sounds better? And so, the hare and the bear live happily ever after. The end."

"Wait-Yi-wan, this is not how it's supposed to-"

"No objection? Nyet," Ivan chirped cheerfully and clapped his hands. "From then on, the bear would always protect the hare and no one would dare prey on him again."

"Yi-wan! You completely changed the story aru! Aiyahhhh…" Yao growled but couldn't help bursting into laughter afterwards.

"I cannot tolerate any more depressing tales, Jao. They always make me feel so sad." Ivan sighed and took the other's hand gently. He rolled up Yao's sleeve and traced his fingers along a series of faded scars. Yao flinched abruptly but Ivan clasped his wrist firmly. "Sometimes, you make me sad too, Jao."

"What?"

"You always smile. But I always feel that there's something sad behind those smiles. You always look as if you're regretting something and you've never told me your past…I told you mine though."

"Aiyah…this…"

"Would you tell me something about yourself? What happened to you before? Why did you carve these wounds on yourself?"

"Yi-wan…"

"I'll show you mine. Fair, da?" Ivan smiled and showed his own scars to Yao. The scars had long healed. Ever since he had met Yao, he hadn't been feeling the need to inflict any pain on himself.

The Russian lifted the small, slender wrist to his lips and kissed the scars tenderly.

"Aiyah…don't do that." Yao withdrew his hand instantly and blushed.

"If I kiss the wound, the pain will go away, da? That's what sister always says."

"Yi-wan…" Yao murmured, looking down at the space between them. "There's some pain which could never vanish…and which could never be forgotten or kissed away…just so you know."

"Jao, you said we were the same. We were made for each other. I trust you with my past and secrets. Even if you don't wish to tell me any of yours, I just want to say that I really like you. On second thought, I think I might even…um…love you?"

"Um…that is a bit…"

"It's…my frist time feeling this way with anyone, but…I don't want to make things difficult for Jao. So, we can always stay friends, da?" Ivan smiled, placing his hands on Yao's shoulders.

"I guess….aru…" Yao turned away with flushed cheeks and whispered. "It is…okay…"

"I like being with Jao-Jao. And I wish I could always be with Jao-Jao."

"S-Same here," Yao smiled vaguely. "I like being with Yi-wan too."

But the sadness behind the tender smile never faded.

* * *

Ivan scanned around the boisterous canteen, his eyes adamantly searching for a vacant seat. He had a tray of steamed barbecue pork buns and some traditional Chinese dim sum. Normally, he wouldn't even bother with the food at school but since he had coincidentally forgotten his lunchbox, he was recommended by Yao to give it a shot. The Asian of course advised him to order some Chinese cuisine, which in Ivan's opinion, looked decent and sumptuous enough. The Chinese boy, however, refused to tag along because he had council business to attend to.

"It'll be okay aru," Yao had reassured, knowing well Ivan's major concern. "If you feel uncomfortable in the crowd, just bring your lunch up here on the rooftop."

Ivan was inclined to follow that advice, seeing that everywhere was flooded with people. As he was about to retreat, a voice hailed him in thick accent. "Hey, you over there." A certain Prussian yelled out at him. "There's an empty seat here, bud."

Gilbert patted the seat next to him rather eagerly, stunning the Russian to an extent of frowning.

Ivan contemplated for a moment and measured the potential consequences of responding to the infamous school thug. However, before he could open his mouth to object, he was pulled down to the seat by the silver-haired male.

"Oh come on, don't just stand there." Gilbert rolled his eyes. "Ivan, correct?"

"Da." Ivan tried to ignore him and concentrated on his meal.

Geez, he had forgotten to ask Yao how to use chopsticks!

"I'm Gilbert, but they call me the awesome Gil because well, I'm awesome!"

"Ugh," Ivan nodded, not showing the slightest bit of interest.

"Hey, you don't talk much, do you?" The Prussian nudged Ivan's elbow lightly.

"Stop annoying others, Gil!" a gruff voice broke in. Ivan recognized the speaker as one of the Italian twins.

"What? Oh hey, Lovino, where's Antonio? Did he lose you in the corridor by accident again?"

"Shut up, bastard. I don't give a fuck where he is and for all I care, he should just die and stop bugging me. You too, drop dead and eat your freaking lunch!" the boy that went by the name of Lovino hollered, just as his twin brother emerged from behind with his German companion.

"Ve~ Stop being so cranky. I'm sure Antonio didn't leave you halfway on purpose." Feliciano plopped down next to his brother. "Maybe he just forgot you were walking with him, right, Luddie?"

"I told you not to call me that," Ludwig sighed and settled down beside the awfully airheaded Italian.

"Bruder!" The Prussian exclaimed. "It's so rare for you to have lunch with us! No council work?"

"Actually, there is but Feliciano insisted on dragging me here."

"Ve~ You can't strain yourself too much, right? That council room is too stuffy anyway. It's almost suffocating! We should have a meal together once in a while."

"By the way, is this your friend?" Ludwig asked, glimpsing the silent Russian. Ivan didn't return the glance. He was too occupied trying to master the use of chopsticks.

"Hell yeah! His name is Ivan. He's in my class!"

"Ve~Gil, didn't you call him a creep earlier on?"

"Feli!" Gilbert gasped. "No! I was-"

Ivan turned slowly to stare at Gilbert.

"That isn't very nice, bruder," Ludwig remarked.

"Hey, you didn't talk much before. It was only natural we thought you were a freak. But well, I don't think you're that much of a creep after we've talked." Gilbert explained in denfense, hoping that his words sound convincing enough to the Russian.

"Da." Ivan merely nodded, his face still devoid of any expressions. Honestly, he didn't really care how others thought of him now that he had Yao. He didn't exactly like the idea of befriending the Prussian either, not to mention that his stoic brother Ludwig and their hyperactive buddy Feliciano were all too eccentric for Ivan's taste.

He abandoned the chopsticks eventually and decided to use the fork instead.

"Dudes, you have a thing for Chinese food?"

The person he probably loathed the most at school squeezed in between him and Gilbert. Still as obnoxious and inconsiderate as could be, Alfred pulled a random chair from another table and settled himself with the rest of the group, dragging the British blond behind him, of course.

"Alfred! We don't have much space here! Sit somewhere else!" Gilbert complained.

"Dude, don't be so miserly. We're totally gonna dine here, right, Artie?"

Arthur only rolled his eyes and joined in begrudgingly, too exhausted to move to another table.

"Maybe I should go and leave you more space da. It seems you need some." Ivan quipped and stood up. Alfred shot him a glare and hauled down.

"Oh man, I'm totally fine. Sit and I needa talk to you."

"I don't have anything to talk to you about though." Ivan declined promptly, causing the others to frown as they sensed the spiking tension.

"Dude, that isn't very nice, huh?"

"Alfred, just eat your burgers!" Arthur urged, but was snubbed by the hot-tempered American.

"So, I was on the rooftop this morning and guess what I saw?" Alfred turned around to everyone at the table. He paused for a minute before snickering. "Ivan was talking to the flowers!"

Perhaps the others didn't really find the joke hilarious. They all remained somewhat dumbfounded and unfazed. The American continued laughing though.

"Dude, are you alright? Like, you aren't really that psychotic, are you?" Alfred scoffed at the Russian. "Seriously, I've never seen someone talk to himself and play with the flowers. So your hobby now is gardening? LOL. So manly."

"SHUT UP!" Ivan growled and stood up, slapping his hands on the table furiously. The room went silent as everyone turned their head towards his direction.

"I wasn't talking to myself." He glared at Alfred.

"Really, as if."

Ivan gripped his fork with his trembling hand. A part of him was luring him to stab the cutlery right into Alfred's face, probably gouging his eye out if the chance allowed. A part of him, nonetheless, was keeping him sane and exhorting him to leave.

 ** _Third step to establishing a proper image in front of the others- control yourself, take a deep breath to soothe your rage; never let your previous effort go down the drain by embarrassing yourself in the public aru._**

Yao's voice rumbled in his ears. Dumping the fork immediately, Ivan gritted his teeth and started taking deep breaths to alleviate his fury.

"Woah, easy dude. It was a joke. A joke, okay?" Alfred justified in a fleeting moment. "Just…calm down."

Slowly, Ivan sat back down and averted his gaze to the ground until everyone else started minding their own business again.

"I wasn't talking to myself," Ivan reiterated. "I was chatting with a friend."

"Ve~ It's alright, Ivan. Maybe Alfred didn't see him right there with all those shadows." Feliciano smiled.

"Wait, isn't access to the rooftop, like, forbidden?" Lovino asked but quickly hushed as he realized that everyone else was immersed in total silence. He exchanged a dubious glance with his twin.

"How did you two get in?" Ludwig interrogated, staring seriously at Alfred and Ivan.

"What? The door wasn't locked?" Alfred shrugged obliviously. "What's going on? What's the big deal all of a sudden? I was just trying to get some sunshine there. Didn't expect to meet this creep."

"Ahem." Arthur coughed and glared at his impetuous friend.

"Well, let me make this clear as the student council president." Ludwig cleared his throat and said, "Alfred, I don't believe you haven't been told. You're obviously breaking the rule on purpose. Ivan, you've only come here this semester so I accept the fact that you might be ignorant. But well, the rooftop is a prohibited school area. No students are to enter there unless given official permission. You two have practically violated the school regulations by trespassing the greenhouse and wandering on the rooftop without teachers' consent. I don't care how the lock got busted but you two shouldn't go there again, understand?"

"Dude, stop speaking like a boss," Alfred pouted. "Okay, okay! I won't go there again anyway since this guy's been there."

"Da. It's not like I wish to see your hideous face either."

"What did you just say?"

"For God's sake, stop quarrelling!" Ludwig bawled, silencing everyone yet again.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Ivan smiled cherubically at the German. "I've been going there every single day to see Jao. You apparently made up those rules by yourself, da? No one has told me that it is off limits. Plus, I'm having club activities there. If you'd excuse me, I'll be going now."

Ivan stood up and took his tray with him.

"And I so not want to sit next to this idiot again," the Russian snorted before eyeing Alfred one last time.

"What the fuck is wrong with him? What a creep!" The American snarled in dissatisfaction as he latched onto his cheese burger.

"Good grief, finally found you, tomato face~"

Lovino squealed as the brown-haired Spanish suddenly embraced him from behind.

"Honhonhon~So you're all here waiting for big brother, non?" Francis appeared alongside Antonio. After a moment of gazing around and assessing the awkward silence, both senior boys frowned in bewilderment.

"What's the matter?" Antonio was the first to ask.

Gilbert, Arthur and Ludwig were all in some sort of trance as if they had been swept away into their own fanciful realms.

Alfred continued galloping his burgers and fries noisily.

The Italian twins remained as impervious to the atmosphere as ever.

"Is something wrong?" Francis asked, pinching the British intentionally to elicit some response from him.

"Ivan…you know Ivan Braginski?" Ludwig muttered.

"Ivan who?" Afonso joined in, leaning against Antonio with crossed arms.

"The weird Russian guy from my class," Gilbert said, his brows creased together in an agonized complexion.

"So?" Antonio shrugged impassively and continued fondling his Italian boyfriend's curl. "What about him?"

"He said he's been to the rooftop recently."

"And he's been visiting the greenhouse every day." Arthur took a sip of his black tea anxiously.

"And I thought he just mentioned the name 'Yao'." Ludwig added.

"Ve~who's Yao?" Feliciano queried ignorantly, raising his hand with an engrossed face.

As the word "Yao" lingered in the air, everyone was plunged back into silence once more.

"Dudes, these burgers are totally awesome! I'm gonna buy some more. Be right back!" Alfred suddenly exclaimed and bounced up.

"Oh and, I forgot to say," the boy yelled to his friends as he was dashing off to the cashier, "that Ivan dude is a total freak!"


	5. Chapter 5

"Jao-Jao?" Ivan hissed, popping his head into the greenhouse ardently.

The Chinese boy perched on top of the roof, humming softly a painfully tranquilizing song. Although the Russian had not an idea what those mollifying lyrics meant, he could tell from the melody the grief it contained.

The light filtered into the house, illuminating a couple of freshly blossomed flowers. Ivan beamed as he spotted sprouts shooting up from the soil. Gleefully, he climbed onto the greenhouse's roof and nudged the Asian.

"Huh?"

"Jao-Jao, you should see them! They're growing! Our sunflowers!" Ivan exclaimed, dragging Yao down with him.

"Aiyah, I was taking a siesta. You've just ruined my dream aru!"

"Jao, I want you to see this because it makes me happy. I think they look very beautiful!" Ivan whooped. "Da?"

"Yea, they surely are developing well," Yao nodded in agreement, smiling proudly at his work.

"But Jao…are we not gonna be able to come anymore?" Ivan asked glumly as he recalled his unpleasant conversation with the others.

"What? Why?"

"They said we aren't allowed to come here anymore. We have never been permitted to do so…" Ivan cited, "Is that true? Must we abandon this greenhouse?"

"Non-sense. I've already sent in an application form to the Student Union and requested the re-formation of the Gardening Club." Yao frowned, crossing his arms contemplatively. "It should be fine since we now have two members. You're in, aren't you?"

"Of course. But…are you sure Ludwig will approve of it?"

"I don't care. I won't leave these flowers. Never!" Yao persisted. "This is the place where we met, Yi-wan. It's also the place I've spent most of my school time in. It's like my secret garden; my comforting zone. There's no way I'm gonna just listen to their bullshit."

"You know them…Jao?"

"I told you they're a pain in the neck," Yao pouted. "Ludwig is okay. He seems competent and diligent enough. I can't say much about his brother though. He's a hot-tempered oddball- clumsy, loud and narcissistic, pretty much like Alfred. The American is a nosy, self-centred goofball, always poking his nose into others' business. Feliciano is fine, I assume, but too hyperactive and reckless, not to mention he's as dense as a brick, like his twin brother Lovino."

"Who's Antonio and that…that guy that looks a lot like him?"

"Funny you should say that. They hate people saying they look alike. Antonio is Spanish. He loves tomatoes to death and is just as obscene as Francis whenever he's around Lovino. The one you mixed him up with is Afonso. He's Portuguese and he has a ponytail. You can actually tell them apart with that. And then there's Francis…he's…well…he's indescribable. You'll just have to figure it out on your own, hopefully without being mentally scarred."

"He's a pervert, da?"

"Romanticist is the right 'word'," Yao laughed.

"Jao-Jao seems to know them very well da," Ivan smiled, though he couldn't help feeling a pang of envy stirring in his heart. "Are you guys close friends?"

"No," the Chinese boy denied instantly. "We're classmates. Well… ** _just_**."

"They talked to me at lunch yesterday…They said the Student Union is against our coming to the rooftop."

"Ignore them aru!" Yao yelped, flailing his arms in agitation. "The Student Union likes imposing unnecessary rules on students in this academy to reinforce their authority."

"Da, I also think we should ignore them. If we can't come here, how can I meet Jao-Jao?" Ivan grinned widely and draped his arm around the Asian's shoulder.

"You know…Yi-wan…" Yao mumbled sheepishly. "Distance isn't really a matter…If we really wish to see each other…there's nothing to stop us aru."

"Why do I feel that it sounds like a love confession?"

"Aiyah! No! That's not what you think aru!" the Asian blushed immensely, wiggling out of the other's grip.

"Has Jao-Jao dated someone before?" Ivan tilted his head curiously. "I wonder."

Yao's face paled at once. He fidgeted fanatically with his fingers as he struggled to reply the Russian.

"I take that as a 'yes'?"

"Yes…" Yao whispered, his expression sinking as tears re-surfaced his eyes. "It's just that…"

"Sorry, Jao. I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to upset you. I just wanted to know more about you! Sorry! Please don't cry." Ivan said abruptly, cuddling the smaller male to pacify him.

"It's okay aru…" Yao smiled faintly. "I think I've gotten over that already. The fault was mine. I thought he loved me but well…he didn't…He left for someone else, ha."

"This is cruel. I don't understand how someone could do that to Jao-Jao. You're amazing. You're the best person I've ever met. You deserve so much better." Ivan growled, trying to picture himself walloping the one who had shattered Yao's heart.

"Thank you aru. But I'm fine now because I have you."

"Da. No one will hurt Jao-Jao when I'm here. We'll keep this greenhouse together, no matter what happens."

"Yes, we will," Yao nodded, burrowing his face peacefully into the warm, broad chest.

* * *

Another week passed. The application form Yao had sent in earlier was ripped off by the Student Union. Their request to re-form the club was discarded immediately and considered as a mere prank. It wasn't until Ivan saw Yao's dejected face that he decided to confront Ludwig and demand a re-assessment. The German brushed it off as if it was a terribly set-up joke. Ivan couldn't comprehend it but relented before he slapped Ludwig in the face.  
"Quit imposing on us! This is not funny, okay?" The incensed German had vociferated.

"All you need to do is to approve with a tick, da? I don't see how hard that is. We won't bother the Union much either. It's not like we're-"

"IVAN! There's no Gardening Club in this school! There will never be a club with only one member!"

"But there are two of us."

"Get out of here." The paper was torn into pieces and tossed back at the confounded Russian.

"Now," Ludwig howled, pointing directly to the door as every single member of the Student Union loured at Ivan.

The Russian staggered backwards with soaring rage but refrained from lashing out as an image of Yao's distraught face flashed across his mind.

He raced back to the rooftop and hugged the Asian as tightly as ever. Yao gasped but didn't cringe. He wrapped his arms around the shuddering Russian and sighed. "It's okay aru. Did they pick on you again?"

"They're picking on us!" Ivan cried.

"There, there, Yi-wan, it's only logical they banned us. It's a small club, actually too small to be even called one. I think we can always sneak up here aru. It doesn't matter if they've disapproved our application."

"But this isn't fair. You've been looking forward to re-forming the club and they…"

"Their decision doesn't affect what we've been doing and what we're going to do in the future. It's all clear in our heart, right?" Yao smiled optimistically, gesturing to his right chest.

"You're right. Let's forget about them."

And the topic never came up again between the two boys. They continued visiting the rooftop regularly; watching over their plants and laughing at their own jokes. They had lunch together. They spent every self-study break and recess chatting and frolicking around, simply reveling in each other's company.

Their relationship blossomed along with those sunflowers they planted together. Ivan was overjoyed when he first saw them bloom. And Yao's valiant eyes radiated just the same amount of warmth and brilliance as those vibrantly glowing petals.

The Russian was so in love. So very in love with his comrade.

忘了有多久

 ** _I've long lost track of time_**

再沒聽到你

 ** _It's been a while_**

對我說你 最愛的故事

 ** _Since you last told me your favourite tale_**

Ivan listened as he painstakingly dipped his brush into the colour plate. Painting had been something he had taken up recently to calm his nerves and relieve his school pressure, as strongly advised by Yao.

Yao's head nestled against his lap. The boy's eyes were clenched shut, his lips curved gorgeously to form an enigmatic smile as he hummed the song he frequently sang.

我想了很久 我開始慌了

 ** _It's been on my mind recently_**

 ** _Driving me quite insane_**

是不是我又做錯了什麼

 ** _Have I done something wrong again_**

 ** _Am I the reason why you're crying now_**

He filled the gap with a shade of twinkling amber, the skeleton of the sunflower gradually laid bare in sight. He picked a similar colour and traced his brush around the figure's orbs.

你哭著對我說

 ** _I can see the tears in your eyes_**

童話裡都是騙人的

 ** _As you tell me fairytales are lies_**

我不可能

 ** _You say that it's impossible_**

是你的王子

 ** _For me to be your prince charming_**

A little turquoise for the leaves. A little bistre for the stem. A little canary yellow for the petals. Cornsilk for the porcelain skin; and black for the hair.

也許你不會懂

 ** _Perhaps you don't understand_**

從你說愛我以後

 ** _But since you said you loved me_**

 ** _My life has changed_**

我的天空

 ** _And the stars in my sky_**

星星都亮了

 ** _Have all started to twinkle_**

He paused his work for a split second and gazed down at the Asian. Those limpid eyes were glinting in grievance. How he wished he could lick away those straggling tears. But first, he had got to know the root of his sorrow. And he pledged to eliminate it for Yao.

我願變成童話裡 你愛的那個天使

張開雙手變成翅膀守護你

 ** _I wish you could see_**

 ** _I'm willing to be the one_**

 ** _And the angel that you love_**

 ** _I'll spread my wings for you_**

 ** _With my open arms_**

 ** _I'll always be there_**

Ivan put down his paint brush and caressed the dangerously striking face. His fingers trailed around the glistening pearls as he bent down to kiss those tender lips. With a gentle rub, those tears were gone, leaving only a faded trace of sadness.

你要相信

相信我們會像童話故事裡

幸福和快樂是結局

 ** _You've got to believe me_**

 ** _That you and me_**

 ** _Will end up living happily_**

 ** _In our own fairytale story_**

Yao returned the kiss elegantly, the light hovering above blinding him.

His mind was swaying. He wanted the truth. He needed the truth.

He had had it with him but he couldn't untangle it.

He couldn't decipher this unbearable feeling piling up in him and that was shoving him to the brink of mania.

"Jao-Jao, do you believe in fairytales?"

"No aru." Yao shook his head assertively. "They never come true."

"How so?"

"They are only tales to lull a child to sleep. They're drugs to appease people's corrupted mind."

"Oh."

"Well, do you?"

"Only in the ones you've told me."

"But I believe in miracles aru."

"Don't leave me, please?" Ivan purred, burying his face in the other's crook of neck. "I don't want to feel lonely again."

"I know….although I have a question."

Yao pulled away from his friend slightly and waggled his brows.

"Your painting is called 'Sunflowers'. Then why are you drawing my face? Shouldn't you be drawing a garden full of 向日葵?"

The Russian blinked at his half-accomplished work and then back at Yao. He chuckled and picked up his brush again.

"Jao, you're my sunflower da."

* * *

 _"_ _When you're done with my portrait, please give it to me aru."_

 _"_ _Da. I'll draw a dozen more for you if you want."_

Ivan smiled as he remembered his promise to Yao. He scampered upstairs eagerly, clutching the completed portrait close to his heart.

His feet stopped at once when the door came into his sight.

It was slammed shut.

Locked.

With a sign hanging on it that said "NO ENTRY ALLOWED".

Ivan frowned and rushed to seize the knob. It wouldn't turn no matter how hard he swung it. He punted the door a few times. The frame remained firm and concrete.

"Jao?" Ivan chirped, hoping that his lover was somewhere around. If they couldn't go to the rooftop, where could they meet?

And more importantly, what would happen to their greenhouse? Oh, their beautiful secret garden!

"Damn it," Ivan cussed and spun around. He plodded downstairs swiftly and headed straight to the grade 12 classrooms. He didn't care if it was brusque of him to suddenly intrude Yao's classroom. He just needed to see him so badly.

"Jao!" Ivan dashed into the Asian's homeroom, capturing almost everyone's attention. The Russian blushed bashfully and took a second peek at the sign on the door. Certainly, it read 12A, which was the elite class Yao was studying in.

"Jao? I'm looking for Jao," Ivan whispered. A couple of boys furrowed their brows and exchanged cynical glances before scanning the light-blond eleventh grader from head to toe.

"What did you just say?" An Asian boy wearing a pair of spectacles asked, putting down his Chinese-style fan calmly.

"I'm looking for Wang Jao. Is he here?" Ivan asked again, looking around desperately in search for a particular face.

"Wang who?" Another boy butted in, shaking his head in doubts.

"WANG JAO." Ivan raised his volume and stared at the boys with pleading eyes. "Where's Jao? May I know where he is, please?"

"Jao? Did you say Jao?"

"YES, are you deaf or what?"

"Sorry, but I think you've got the wrong class," the first boy said, scowling. Just then, a familiar Portuguese sauntered into the room and gave the Asian a surprise hug. "Stop it, Afonso."

"What're you doing, Cheng?" Afonso asked, before noticing the Russian at the door. "Oh hey, it's you…"

"I'm sure this is the right class da. Jao told me he's in class A." Ivan checked the room meticulously, feeling beads of sweat dripping down his forehead as everyone threw him bizarre glances.

"Hey, this is the senior homeroom. What're you doing here?" Francis and Arthur appeared subsequently, followed by their companions.

"I said- I'm looking for Jao. Where's he?" Ivan repeated his question rather impatiently. He was getting fed up with everyone's oblivion.

"Like I said, there's no one called Jao in this class. Please look somewhere else." The Asian boy sighed and adjusted his glasses.

"If Jao isn't in this class, then where could he be?" Ivan snarled, nearly seething with fury.

"Ivan Braginski, if this is a joke, stop it at this instant!" Arthur bawled. By then, the class went silent and every dubious glance fell upon the British boy.

"Let's talk this over outside," Afonso suggested nervously, leading the gang out of the classroom.

"Now, tell us what you demand from us, Braginski."

The Portuguese had called on both Gilbert and Antonio. And of course, just in case any trouble broke out, Ludwig tagged along with his brother.

"I don't understand what you're saying. First, you forbade us to go to the rooftop, which is insanely ridiculous. Second, you dismissed our application to reform the club. Now, you fucking lock the door and chase away Jao! I should be the one asking- WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US!"

"Ivan Braginski, if you're here to avenge for your friend, you can just tell us already! Stop pulling all these pranks on us! We won't yield to them just so you know!" Antonio growled.

"Like I told you- I don't understand a thing you're saying!"

"Ivan, we're sorry if we've pissed you off earlier but this doesn't give you the reason to retaliate with such a wicked joke!" Gilbert argued.

"What joke? I'm not joking with anyone of you. What on earth is going on? Where's Jao?"

"The Jao you're talking about is Wang Yao?" Francis gasped.

"Da! He's my best friend! I'm just trying to find him because we usually meet on the rooftop and now the door is locked! We can't even go back to the greenhouse damn it!"

"Stop it! This is not funny, okay?" Antonio cried, almost tearing up. "Stop this joke already!"

"No one is joking!" Ivan bellowed. "I'm damn serious and please get the fuck out of my way!"

"Hold on, who's this Yao you're looking for?" Francis asked, his eyes widened in horror. "What does he look like?"

"THIS!" Ivan snarled and uncovered the portrait. It took a long moment for everyone to react. And it struck the Russian to see how they all looked extremely terrified.

"I just want to know…where Jao is," Ivan mumbled. "Isn't he your classmate? He's in class A, da."

"Ivan…did you say you meet Yao there every day?" Gilbert gulped, feeling a lump in his throat.

"Da. We go there to look after the plants. We take care of the greenhouse. I met him three months ago on the rooftop. We've been meeting each other there since. That is," Ivan turned to glare at Ludwig. "Until the Student Union screwed up everything."

"Wait…three months ago…so…you aren't Yao's childhood friend?"

"Nyet. But we're pretty close. What does it matter anyway? It's none of your concern." Ivan grunted.

"Ivan, there's no one called Wang Yao in our class." Arthur said painfully. "There has never been this person in this school for three years…The one you saw…couldn't be him. If you're just coming to take revenge for what we've committed years ago, just tell us what you want with us. We apologize for everything…I mean, we'll do anything to redeem our sin."

"I still don't get it da." Ivan shook his head vigorously. "Where's Jao? He's the one with long black hair and beautiful amber eyes! He's Chinese. He always talks with a speech tic 'aru'! And he's from class A!"

"Please, don't say anymore…" Afonso sobbed, stumbling back and squirming in trepidation. "Jesus…the rumour is true! The rooftop is really haunted…and Yao's finally coming to get us!"

"Stop it, Afonso!" Gilbert shoved his friend aside furiously and wailed. "Ivan, we've told you already. Yao isn't here! There's no one called Yao in our class! He's dead! He committed suicide three years ago!"

The boys all broke down in tears as the excruciating memories kept flowing back to torment them. They all gazed at the Russian with begging eyes, hoping that he would stop bringing up the name that plunged them forever in remorse.

"I…don't…know…what you're…saying…" Ivan could only blink hollowly at the gang, deeming they might have all gone berserk.

"Ivan…the application form you've sent me…it wasn't a joke then?" Ludwig asked solemnly.

"Jao was the one who sent you the form! You ripped it apart!"

"This…is impossible…I thought…I thought you wrote down his name as the club president on purpose…"

"Didn't you come here to avenge for him?" Antonio huffed. "Because of what we did to him?"

"Nyet…you guys are crazy…you guys should rot in hell…I won't allow any one of you to speak ill of Jao. He's alive. He's fucking alive! And he's my friend! MY BEST FRIEND!" Ivan shrieked and trotted out of the hallway. Out of this maddening place.

* * *

He searched everywhere.

He checked everywhere.

He explored almost every single corner of the school.

It hit him like bolts of lightning that he, in fact, knew nothing personal of Yao.

He had only known about his family, his interests, his likes and dislikes, his identity as a sophomore.

When Ivan came to think of it, he had never even met Yao anywhere beside the rooftop. They had kissed but never dated. They had texted each other but never talked on phone.

"Where the hell are you, Jao? Please come out…" Ivan wept, his mind mingled by the fact that there was no way he could find his dear friend.

Because he had never physically existed there.

"There is no student named Wang Yao in our school," the lady at the general office had stated so firmly after Ivan begged her to look through all the files and documents.

"We had, however, someone with the same name here three years ago. Wang Yao. A Chinese boy in grade nine."

"Nyet…" Ivan shook his head. "Jao is in grade twelve. He told me so. He's my upperclassman…"

The Russian wandered about the campus, asking everyone that came in his way. No one could provide him a satisfactory answer. No one could even recognize the name Wang Yao.

He only stopped until he felt himself on the verge of losing his sanity.

 ** _What is happening?_**

 ** _Is this all just his hallucination?_**

"Sumimasen…" a tremulous voice murmured. "Ivan-san?"

Ivan lifted his head slightly to face his petite Japanese classmate.

"I heard that you're looking for someone called Wang Yao…"

Ivan perked up. "You know where Jao is?"

"Can I have you for a moment, please?" Kiku Honda muttered sullenly and motioned the Russian to follow him.

They went into the school library. Once they reached there, the Asian asked Ivan to settle down near a computer.

"Ivan-san, I have a question to ask." Kiku waited politely for Ivan's response.

"Da. As long as it can help me find Jao."

"Who are you to Yao-san? Are you two friends?"

"We are."

"I see…When did you meet my brother?"

"Your what?"

"My brother. Wang Yao is my brother."

"I met him three months ago on the rooftop. Why do you ask? I don't think this is relevant to-"

"This is not possible," Kiku intercepted sharply. "My brother's no longer in this school. The one you met has to be someone in his disguise. Someone's been pretending to be nii-san."

"Why are you all telling me that Jao isn't here? I SAW HIM WITH MY OWN EYES! He's real! He was right there yesterday! We even…we even…talked for hours and promised to meet again today to look at the sunflowers!"

"Then tell me, is this what he looks like?" Kiku pulled out a picture from his pocket and showed the Russian.

There on the photo was a younger version of Yao dressed neatly in school uniform. He was shorter then but other than that, everything, ranging from the hairstyle, the appearance, the smile and the charisma was the same as the one Ivan saw.

"That's him!"

"Well…I...I think you should see this, Ivan-san."

Nothing could paralyze Ivan more than the headlines on those newspapers. When he gripped the first clipping into his quivering hands, he could only goggle at the title blankly.

 ** _DEPRESSED SCHOOL BOY COMMITTED SUICIDE_**

No…this couldn't be right.

Someone must have put him on again.  
Ivan crumpled the paper and hurled it to the nearest dustbin. Then, it came the next one. With the same photo of Yao. The same name written on the article. The same title of event.

 ** _CHINESE BOY JUMPED OFF THE ROOF AT SCHOOL_**

No…he wouldn't believe it.

There was no way it was true.

No…

 ** _BULLIED HIGH SCHOOL BOY KILLED HIMSELF_**

"You're lying," Ivan blubbered and bounced up from his chair. "You're all lying! Even if you despise Jao, there's no way you should slander him like this!"

"Ivan-san, please listen-"

"Shut up! I don't want to listen!" Ivan yelped and bolted out of his school. "This is just a dream. Yes, I must be dreaming….kolkolkolkol…"

"Where are you, Jao-Jao?"


	6. Chapter 6

Ivan flung open the door forcibly and ran upstairs. Ignoring his sister's anxious remarks, he locked himself in his room and slumped down on his bed, his face as pallid as a sheet of paper. Torrents of tears trickled down his eyes as millions of thoughts surged in his mind. He curled himself up into a ball and sobbed quietly until he realized he couldn't determine what was right and wrong; what was real and what was not anymore.

He lay there inanimately and drowned himself in questions that he knew he could never answer. There was so much he didn't know. So much he wished to know.

He wanted to see Yao.

He wanted to meet his sunflower.

He needed to see him.

 _Urgently._

He sprang up from his bed and darted towards his computer. He started surfing the net, desperately seeking a proper answer to clear his doubts. Either to his relief or vastest horror, he found Yao. The truth unfurled like a devastating fire gradually subsuming and blistering him in aching flames. More tears cascaded down his cheeks as he read through each line that described precisely what had happened; how the incident took place and who were involved.

The boy in the photo always looked the same.

It was Yao.

Wang Yao.

His spellbinding, flawless sunflower.

And they always reported the very same result.

He jumped off the roof.

He chose death.

He committed suicide exactly where they first met.

"Vanya? Vanya? Are you alright?" A knock came on the door and startled him.

"Brother?"

"Leave me alone," Ivan murmured, stifling a whine that almost leaked out through his dry lips.

"Vanya, did something bad happen at school today?" Iryna persisted, knocking on the door several times before trying the knob.

"No! Just leave me alone!" Ivan cried and crawled back under his duvet, hiding himself in darkness for the rest of the night.

The next day, he left home early to avoid breakfast with Iryna. He rushed to school with a racing heart. He knew exactly where to find Yao and there was no way he would give in without trying. Nothing could stop him from making the one decision he deemed right for himself; whether everything was just a fraud, a reverie, a nightmare or a prank…There was only one truth- Yao was as real as could be, in contrast to every information he had received from others.

He twirled the knob violently and banged on the door. It wouldn't open. Growing petulant, Ivan started kicking the door in an attempt to break it down. He could almost hear Yao's whispers on the other side of this barrier that segregated them; that had shattered his hope and trampled on his heart.

"Jao…" Ivan huffed, before an idea popped up in his mind. He scurried into the lavatory and broke a faucet pipe. It had got to work somehow. He prayed for God to heed his call. Just this once. He got to see Yao…

"Dude, what're you doin'?"

Ivan growled but didn't stop his deed, despite recognizing that blithe voice.

"I'm asking you, dude! What the hell are you doing breaking the door?" Alfred hollered, clutching the Russian by his elbow.

"Leave me alone!" Ivan shrieked and glared at the American, shoving him down to the ground. "It's locked. If they don't open it, then all I'll have to do is to break it down."

"Dude, calm down!" Alfred adjusted his displaced glasses and captured the Russian again, striving to pull him away from the half-smashed door. "Whatever you're doing, stop it!"

"Nyet, I can't stop! I HAVE TO SEE JAO!" Ivan howled, pinning the unyielding American to the wall. He didn't care if his tears were exposed to the blond. He couldn't suppress the wave of distress raging in his heart.

"Dude…what's going on…" Alfred, for once, was awe-stricken by the Russian's increasingly peculiar and terrorizing act.

"Alfred…" Ivan panted, struggling to maintain his composure. "You saw him…right? That day…you saw us on the rooftop…inside the greenhouse…you saw Jao-Jao too…Is that right? You saw him too…so it was real…"

"What're you talking about?" Alfred frowned before realization struck him all at once. "No…dude….seriously….I only saw you that day…talking to yourself…talking to those plants."

Ivan released the other boy and staggered backwards.

"Dude…is something wrong?"

"They all said he's dead…nyet…it's not true…Jao-Jao isn't dead…" Ivan walked upstairs. "You guys are tricksters….you like picking on others…you think this is funny? Entertaining to you? Screw you all!"

The Russian trod downstairs and headed straight to the conference room. He barged into the Union's base and turned everything upside down. He broke open several drawers and finally grabbed a random key. Alfred was still rendered in perplexity when Ivan returned to the roof entrance. A piece of paper slipped out of his pocket as he inserted the key to the key hole. The American picked it up but couldn't help gasping in sheer shock as remnants of memories flooded his mind. It all came clear to him now. Even though he was always criticized for being dense and imbecile, he could still decipher what was written on the news at least. It wasn't something that concerned the gang only but also the reason why his and Arthur's relationship had never worked out. Sure enough, he remembered that beguiling Chinese boy that used to be the centre of everyone's attention; the one that he couldn't believe his British ex-lover had taken granted for and exploited. He was the one classmate he, the self-claimed hero of justice, couldn't save from ending his own life. He could still remember the day the news was brought to him like a catastrophe; a divine retribution that plunged them in endless guilt and self-accusation. He wasn't affected the most because he had never participated in their wrongdoing. But when Arthur showed his ashen, pathetically rueful face in front of him, he lost his control. Their relationship officially came to an end right there. The British could never live out of his remorse and atonement. As for Alfred, he soon forgot the event and moved on. How the rest of the gang survived the ordeal had never come to his question and he had no desire to know either. It was their fault. Their own misdeed. They had to redeem their own sins.

"Wait, Ivan!" Alfred hissed, but the door was already shut closely and there was no sign of Ivan Braginski.

Ivan wobbled into the greenhouse. Everything happened in the blink of an eye but this place remained the same as ever. Aromatic blossoms roamed the house, showering the place with enchanting fragrance and phenomenal beauty. Mellow fruits perched neatly on the branches and the birds were chirping a symphony. Their sunflowers had bloomed with spangling golden leaves. It looked like a paradise. It looked like a dream.

"Yi-wan?" The voice was saddening. It still sounded beautiful though.

 _Because it belonged to Yao; his one and only love._

"I'm glad you were able to break in…I was beginning to fear that no one would ever notice the door was locked…" Yao cackled, before a pair of strong arms laced around his smaller body. Ivan squeezed the body tightly, feeling the warmth and concreteness of its skeleton. He sniffed at those glossy locks and traced his lips along every inch of the bruised skin he could reach.

"So you figured it out aru…" Yao mumbled solemnly as he pulled away from the Russian.

There was no mistaking it.

Yao was real.

But was not…

His tears wouldn't stop.

Those sheen bruises and scratches had never faded. Patches of purple and spots of crimson were painted everywhere on the Asian's body.

And he...had been so swept away in his gorgeousness that he had never noticed any of these traits. It was only when Yao's sleeves were rolled up that he saw those stitched marks permanently ingrained on his otherwise fine, faultless skin. His heart hammered against his chest. His hands trembled to find their pillar. He couldn't stop embracing the other male; to convince and fool himself that he was indeed alive.

"Jao…tell me this isn't true…"

"Listen, Yi-wan…I didn't realize I was trapped here until now…" Yao admitted painfully. "I have been…oh God…I have been lingering around so aimlessly…I couldn't remember a single thing that happened before I met you…I only…I only had fragments of stories to tell you…When you woke me…when your call woke me…I saw you. I met you…I knew it was you I had to save."

"Jao, you'll always stay here with me, da? You promised…"

"Yi-wan, I don't think that is possible now…" Yao smiled miserably. "It seems that…I don't belong here…I never do…"

"Nyet! You promised! You couldn't just break your vow. I don't care what you are. I just want you here with me! Please…don't…do this to me…I…I…"

"You know…I was really delighted when you said you were craving for a friend…and when you accepted me genuinely as one…I just felt that some part of me was finally mended…and the gap inside my heart was bridged…I used to be caged here, so caught up in loneliness I couldn't even break free from my own chains. It's been three years aru…So long…And I've forgotten why I was here in the first place. I wasn't supposed to stay…but you hailed me…your shadow looked so frighteningly familiar because it reminded me of my own and the foolish mistake I once made. God brought me here for a reason…I wanted to guide you…to cherish you…to tell you that it was alright to just be yourself. And yet, I got lost in our friendship and even fell in love with you…I'm sorry aru…"

"What happened, Jao…what happened to you?" Ivan asked, shaking his head in despair.

"It doesn't matter what's happened…The past is the past. But now…I only wish for you to listen carefully to me this time…" Yao took a deep breath and smiled at his friend. "It's such a pleasure to meet you, Yi-wan Braginski. Thank you so much for everything you've given me. No one, I mean, absolutely no one, has ever treated me as well as you have. I was so carried away I couldn't even find my path anymore. Whatever happens, promise me one thing though, please, please…don't ever hurt yourself because there's always someone who loves and treasures you. This is something you've taught me; something I was too blind and silly to realize in the past. I was so wrapped up in hopelessness and hatred. But you…you made me realize there is always one place in the heart where I can find the sunshine and the love I thought there could never exist. For this, I'm eternally grateful and I wish…just this once…I wish…I wish I could have met you earlier…"

The Chinese boy wailed, his tears glimmering like the brightest jewels in the light as he leaned in and planted a chaste kiss on Ivan's lips.

"Thank you for staying with me," Yao grinned. "我愛你."

"Nyet…Jao…don't…please…" Ivan shrieked as the other boy started to fade, bit by bit, into the broken light. "Please stay!"

"Yi-wan, we were so much alike but you're luckier. You're blessed aru," the Asian continued to smile. "I'll always stay around you. I still don't believe in fairytales. But miracles are real."

"Jao!"

Ivan trotted forward and grabbed the slender wrist. At that very moment, light sparkled and engulfed him. Tears glittering like pearls pelted down onto his face as the boy vanished completely from his sight.

"I haven't…even said I love you…"

The Russian fell on his knees and wept.

There was so much he wanted to say but nothing mattered now. The moment he touched Yao, he saw through his memories. He lived through him. He was just another him.

In his vague consciousness, he could see Yao's back as he was facing the sky. He saw him standing close to the edge with his battered body and blemished soul; crying to the heaven and for the love that he could never possess. He saw Yao squirming on the ground in tears as his goddamn father almost beat him to death. He saw Yao locking himself in the lavatory and cutting his own wrists until he succumbed to anemia. He saw Yao weeping silently in one corner as if loneliness had never left him since the day of his existence. And then…he saw him spreading out his arms like a pair of wings. He saw him leaping into the air like a wild bird. Only…his wings were broken and he eventually landed in a mass of flesh.

 ** _"_ ****_I don't want you to die, Yi-wan. I had a future ahead of me but I ruined it. You have yet to see lots and lots of wonderful things in this world. Don't repeat the same mistake I've made. Live on. Enjoy the life as it is on my behalf aru."_**

"JAO!"

He squealed until his throat went sore and cried till his eyes were blind.

Ivan collapsed to the floor, his gaze never leaving the blossoming sunflowers as his heart mourned for his bleeding love.

 ** _If only I could have met you earlier…If only aru."_**

* * *

"Ivan!"

When he regained his senses, he was in the infirmary.

"Dude, you okay?"

Ivan sat up clumsily, the twinge in his heart never subsiding no matter how long he lost his consciousness.

"Ivan, are you alright?" asked the Prussian worriedly.

"Get out…"

"Huh?" The boys exchanged a few glances and scowled at the Russian.

"I said-GET OUT!" Ivan barked. "I don't want to see any one of you! You've all hurt Jao. You're all murderers!"

"Look, Ivan, we're sorry. I know apologies don't mean anything to you right now but there's nothing we could do." Antonio muttered morosely. "And yes, we did do a couple on Wang Yao three years ago…We were all immature then. We didn't know we would go that far and push him to death. We were all in for fun which I know sounds really irresponsible and unjustifiable now. But I just wish to tell you…we would do anything just to amend our fault. If he were here…we would do anything just to show how sorry we are."

"The truth is…we don't know you met him and how you were able to communicate with him…even if it spooks us out…even if we don't believe in ghosts…we just want to tell you we never meant any of the things we did to Yao. We never knew it would break him to this point. Believe it or not, we've never lived out of that incident ever since. Nightmares never leave us alone…" Afonso echoed, staring down at the floor ruefully. His partner, Cheng, sighed and rubbed his back gently.

"Nyet…you're not sorry at all." Ivan blurted out. "You guys…have practically killed a person and you think an apology would do? You'll all have to pay with your lifetime! You have no idea how it feels to be completely worthless! To be treated like a scum! To be taken advantage of and thrust aside like a piece of trash. No…you don't understand any of these…and you're not sorry…you are nowhere near sorry enough for what you've done to Jao-Jao!"

"Ivan-"

The Russian leapt out of bed and punched the British right in the face. The blond fell against the wall in agony, tears dribbling down alongside his blood.

"You gave Jao the final blow. When all he ever asked for was your love, you betrayed him. You turned your back on him. And yet, he couldn't even regret it because he had given you all he had. He traded away his reputation, his dignity, his family's respect and everyone's love for your goddamn maltreatment. You didn't only drug him but also backstabbed him. You were the ultimate reason why he jumped off the roof!"

"I know! I know I was the culprit!" Arthur yelped, gritting his teeth in pain. "I know I could never do anything to repent myself! Just so you know, I'm willing to live with this guilt for the rest of my life! And if only Yao could wake up, I would even trade away mine!"

"Stop it, please…no one can reverse time…" Francis sobbed. "There's no point in saying how deplorable our deeds have been…I just wish that boy were still here…"

"Exactly, dudes. Like…we can't really do anything now, can we?" Alfred sighed in defeat. As much as he wished to offer any assistance, he couldn't wipe out the history they had. No one could undo the wrong.

"If Jao had never made that decision, I suppose you guys would never have realized how much of a nasty devil you are, da?" Ivan shouted, "And guess what? What really gets on my nerves is to think that he's actually forgiven you all and even forgotten how horribly you've treated him! I will never, ever forgive any one of you for hurting and damaging such a wonderful person."

With that, the Russian scooted out of the infirmary and left the gang in utter silence.

Ivan returned to the rooftop and stayed there until someone found him again. For days, he crouched inside the greenhouse chatting with his flowers as if they acted as a medium to communicate with Yao. He still believed that the Chinese boy was wandering somewhere near him and that one day he would re-appear again if he had faith.

He would hum Yao's favourite melody and water the plants. He would skip classes just to tend to and safeguard their greenhouse. Days after days and nights after nights, he would frolic, dine and slumber in their lovely garden, praying for the day they could be coupled again.

No one could bother him.

No one dared approach him.

Even when Iryna arrived to take him home, he would refuse to leave their sunflowers alone. He would plead his sister nonstop, to let him stay where he could protect and look after the delicate plants. No one could stop him from his frenzy. No one could talk more sense into him than Wang Yao.

But Yao wasn't there.

He never was.

There was only him, abandoned, alone with the plants.

It didn't take Ivan long to realize how much it hurt to love and lose someone so precious to him.

And finally, he knew he had gone back to square one- being the same lonesome, unloved boy he used to be.

Whenever the painful nail hit him again, he would remember the words Yao once said to him. He would survive for the sake of his lover. He would embrace the beauty of life for him. He would hope that Yao's disappearance was just a phase. Even if he returned as a spirit, an angel or an apparition, he wouldn't mind.

Because for all he knew, love is real.

It is a miracle.


	7. Chapter 7

The lesson droned on forever.

Propping his chin with his palms, Ivan stared out of the window. Everything looked dreary.

He had no tendency whatsoever to listen to his cat-loving Greek teacher's gibberish, not to mention Mr. Karpusi was the kind actually able to doze off in the middle of his own lecture.

A gust of tender breeze slapped his face, bringing across the hypnotizing scent of cherry blossoms. His heart sank for a half second as his eyes landed on an uncanny figure strutting in through the school gate. The girl had eyes as dark as the night. Her long black hair was tied into two characteristic side buns, clipped with conspicuous peony hair pins. Following suit was another Asian girl of a similar age. Their appearances were more or less alike. Only this one wore her wavy, slightly brown hair down, letting it swish elegantly in the hair. The two were obviously from the outside. Judging their uniforms, Ivan recognized them as students from Hetalian Girls' Academy, the eminent boarding school across the street. It was actually said that their homeroom teacher, Ms. Héderváry graduated from there and that place only admitted the most snobbish and affluent girls in the town, pretty much like a counterpart to their school.

Ivan couldn't take his eyes off the first girl that marched into their school like a boss. There was something awfully proverbial about those distinctive facial features and gracefulness. It was as if he had seen it somewhere before.

He shifted fretfully in his seat and dropped his pen. The stationery made contact with the ground in a thud. A hand picked it up promptly and gave it back to him. Ivan ogled Alfred for a brief second before turning away from the American's guileless smile. He hadn't spoken to the group since their last conversation in the infirmary. From time to time though, they would glance in his direction with friendly expressions. Ivan didn't want to talk to any one of them because it only made him more mystified than ever. He didn't know whether to condone them or to continue detesting them for the rest of his life. He knew Yao would prefer the former option. The angel had taught him so many times to be a forgiving, open-hearted person. And he still believed that one day, this boy would return to his side if he tried hard and waited long enough.

"Dude, how about we grab some lunch together afterwards?" Alfred offered.

He was inclined to reject when something caught his greater attention. Ivan gazed at his panda-patterned pen for a long moment.

Something was still bugging him.

Something didn't quite make sense.

They had been telling him Wang Yao wasn't real but his own illusion.

But how did all the things Yao give him not disappear along with his shadow?

The bell chimed loudly, ending the lesson in an instant. Alfred was still waiting for his answer when he decided to brush it off like many other occasions.

"Nyet, thanks."

"Still going to that greenhouse every day, eh?" Alfred cocked his brows curiously.

"Alfred," Ivan murmured, "do you believe in miracles?"

The blond remained silent for a long while, seemingly taken aback by the abrupt question. It wasn't his nature to discuss something so philosophical…so abstract…so melodramatic. But then, it always caught his heart whenever he saw the Russian's longing face. It was so harrowing and pestering. Watching him from the side always made his own heart cringe.

"Yes, I do," Alfred mused. "Because I believe in the best of everyone. To be honest, dude, I didn't like you at first. But I just think there are things we could do to make life much happier. I don't like hating anyone. And I don't like seeing those around me so bleak and all. You probably think this is bullshit because yea, I can never understand what you've been through. Still, you gotta cheer up, man. Life goes on. In my memory, your friend was once a pretty optimistic and cherry person. When I was a junior, he told me that there's always a brighter side of darkness. I used to be quite broke but he always lent me a couple of bucks when I needed them. We were never that close and I never knew what the group was doing to him. I couldn't even believe it when he made that choice in the end. If I had known something was wrong earlier, I would've stopped Arthur and the others from their jokes."

"Regret is pointless. Jao said he was loved once and that was more than enough." Ivan stood up from his seat.

"So, what're you planning next?"

"I don't-"

"Ivan-san!" The Japanese boy ran into the room and panted. "Finally...found you…"

"Kiku? What's up?" Alfred frowned at the panting Japanese in puzzlement.

"Ivan-san, you didn't come to school for days…I couldn't reach you. The other time…you weren't in the classroom either."

"I've been on the rooftop," Ivan said as-a-matter-of-factly.

"Please, Ivan-san, I need you to come with me. There's something-"

"Who's Yi-wan Braginski?" a loud, raspy voice asked, causing everyone to freeze in silence. All the heads were turned immediately towards the Chinese girl slouching against the doorway, wondering in astonishment how a female was able to sneak into a boys' academy.

"Where is Yi-wan Braginski?" the girl asked again, raising her voice as if her volume wasn't enough to reach everyone's ears. "Damn it! I DEMAND to see Yi-wan Braginski!"

"Shit, you know this chick?" Alfred turned to Ivan in bemusement. The Russian could only shake his head, his mind completely swiped away by the girl's appearance.

"Ivan-san, please come with me before Chun Yan causes any more trouble here!" Kiku grabbed Ivan's hand and led him out of the crowd.

"Yi-wan BRAG-" Before Chun Yan could yell at the top of her lungs, Kiku clamped his hand across her mouth and dragged her out of the corridor.

"I found him already, Yan! Stop messing around in my school!" Kiku yapped. "Come on, let's go before any teachers see you!"

"Where's that guy?" Chun Yan asked urgently, her eyes finally settling on the pale, tall Russian standing behind Kiku.

"So, you're Yi-wan?"

"Da. But forgive me for being blunt, who are you, Miss? I don't suppose I-"

"Oh please! Come with us, Yi-wan. Yao needs your help!" Chun Yan shook the boy's hands fanatically as she pleaded with tears.

"What?" Ivan tottered backwards in shock. "Did you just say-"

"Yes! My brother Yao needs you! Right now!"

"But-"

"There's no time to waste here, Ivan-san! Let's explain on our way!" Kiku urged, guiding the two out of the school building. The three reunited with Mei at the school entrance, where a private car had parked there waiting for them. They all hopped in and the butler began to drive off to the unknown destination.

"Sorry…would you please all explain to me what's going on?" Ivan asked, still paralyzed in bewilderment.

"This…I believe it belongs to you, Mr. Braginski," Chun Yan said gloomily and handed the sunflower keychain to Ivan. The Russian gasped and widened his eyes incredulously. "This…no…this can't be…I gave this to Jao-Jao…"

"Yes, I know." Chun Yan wiped away her tears and calmed herself a bit. "Okay, listen well, Mr. Braginski, Wang Yao is my twin brother. He might have told you something about our family. We're all his siblings. This one here is Wang Mei. And as for Kiku…I believe you two are already acquainted."

"Please tell me what's happening!" Ivan cried, his hands trembling as he gripped the keychain.

"One question, Yi-wan." Chun Yan gawked at the Russian seriously. "Do you believe in supernatural force?"

"Huh?"

"Psychokinesis. I believe that's the word according to my research. You've been seeing my brother, right?"

"Yes…but…but…Jao is…dead?"

"No, Ivan-san. We never got to finish our talk in the library." Kiku turned around from the front seat and stated. "Ni-san is alive. He's never died."

"Well, he isn't dead, but close to it," Chun Yan growled. "When those god forsaken bastards blackmailed him and forced him to suicide, I almost slaughter them with my butcher knife. My brother jumped off the roof and got severely injured. If you read those news carefully, you would've discovered that his death was never confirmed. The truth is, my brother managed to survive, but got in coma. We never told any of those bastards because we wanted them to suffer, forever, in guilt. To watch them get their penalty points and almost drop out of school. They don't have to know Yao is alive anyway. We've learnt our lesson. We've got to keep him safe this time, away from any potential harm."

"So…you're saying that…Jao-Jao…is…still here?"

"He's never left us," Mei piped up. "Brother has always been hospitalized since that incident. He's never woken up until…"

"Until what?" Ivan gulped.

"Well…he's still paralyzed. But something's wrong. We don't believe it at first…" Chun Yan furrowed her brows contemplatively. "The first sign was his body's constant twitching in day time. Sometimes, it looked like he was about to wake up but then fell back into coma. We've been observing his progress lately. There've been signs of radical changes, as the doctor pointed out. We started noticing something substantially different since three months ago, which I assume was the time you two met?"

"Yes…"

"Believe it or not, we never gave those bizarre occurrences much thought until Kiku found you sneaking to the school rooftop one day. He stalked you and saw you walk into the greenhouse. He was completely shocked when he caught you speaking to Yao!"

"Ivan-san, I don't know what happened but I saw you with my nii-san. It was…unbelievable and impossible because nii-san was supposed to be in the hospital. I thought I was having a delusion at first. But the second time I spied you, I saw the same thing. And that was when I realized something was terribly wrong. I refused to believe it. It was until that day you ran all over the school searching for Yao that I knew I must talk to you in person. From what I heard from you, it seemed that it wasn't someone pretending to be my brother. It was truly nii-san."

"I was with Yao all the time. His body remained in the hospital but he somehow…whether it was his spirit or his soul…he just somehow managed to slink away and meet you. The one you saw was no doubt my brother. And I read all the texts you've sent him on phone. Sometimes, even though I knew he couldn't eat, I brought a few of home cuisines to cheer him up. They only got emptied at the end of every lunch break. We got into panic thinking someone in the hospital had stolen tiny things around Yao. But it seemed that he had been giving you most of the trinkets, flowers and food we brought him."

"This is…this…" Ivan stuttered, struggling to think straight. There was so much information to take in. It was bombarding him, driving him insane.

Swiftly, he dug into his bag and pulled out the panda pen. "What about this? Jao gave me this a month ago!"

"It was one of the gifts I bought him during my Taiwan trip!" Mei mumbled, widening her eyes incredulously.

"We've looked it up, Yi-wan," Chun Yan said. "We think it's what they call…psychokinesis…You know, the kind of psychic ability that allows ones' willpower to dominate his thoughts, visions and behaviour? The one that allows someone to act without physical movement."

"And it's usually caused by some extremely strong desires and emotions," Kiku elaborated. "I still don't know the detail of your meeting but apparently, you've been the target nii-san has been trying to connect with. We knew everything was real when we saw that portrait lying beside his bed one day. The name read Ivan. And it's you."

"You've drawn him a very beautiful portrait, Ivan," Mei beamed gratefully.

"So…does that mean…I can…meet Jao?"

"Unfortunately, Ivan-san, I must tell you something that started two weeks ago when your meeting with nii-san ended on the rooftop. His condition had been improving drastically before that. But…after that day we talked in the library, it appeared that he…he…" Kiku paused, choking on sobs as he tried to blurt out the devastating news to Ivan.

"We've been searching everywhere for you, Yi-wan," Chun Yan wept. "We couldn't reach you on the phone. You've switched it off since you parted with Yao. And then…we went to the school a couple of times but you were either absent or…ditching classes in some other places…Yao…He's been struggling in critical condition. They're asking us to give up and let him go. But no…we know we can't give up just yet…He's been doing so well since he met you…since the first sign of his psychokinesis…we thought…no…we still believe that you can help him…You're the only one he's ever loved so whole-heartedly…And…you're our last and only hope. Please…"

"We're begging you, Ivan," Mei resonated with Chun Yan as the two girls almost kneeled in front of the Russian. "Please, save our brother. Bring him back to us. Please."

"Jao…" Ivan whimpered, clutching his chest tightly as the car finally braked in front of the hospital.

"I need to see Jao," Ivan sniveled. "Now."

They hopped out of the car swiftly and sprinted into the building. Headed by Chun Yan and Kiku, they arrived at an enormous private ward. Ivan could feel his heart pounding violently as he stepped into the room. There, lying on the bed, was a pale, scrawny skeleton attached to tubes and needles. Ivan stumbled forwards, grabbing onto the rim of Yao's bed as he laced one hand around those gorgeous black locks. The eyes were shut serenely with a very faint smile plastered on the handsome face. The breathing was incredibly slow and weak. It was almost as if he was ready to…to…

"No…Jao-Jao…I'm here…see…I'm here," Ivan sobbed, wrapping his arms around that small, warm body. The feeling was so nostalgic. He had always hugged the Chinese boy this way whenever he lulled him to sleep. "Jao…you promised…remember? I've come here for you. I've tried to be stronger for you. I don't hurt myself anymore, Jao…Ever since the day I met you, I've never seen the need to torment myself because you were always there for me. You saved me for a reason…right? I could never thank you enough…Jao, for appearing in my life. I've never been a happy child. I always thought no one would ever care for me. When I lost Toris, I even thought I could never make a friend again. But you…you just appeared out of nowhere and offered me your hand. You accepted me. You were the first to do so, you know? You once said we were both lonely so we should make a pact. I love you, Jao. I wish you could hear me right now. I don't care if the timing wasn't right, if we have met too late and if fairytales aren't true…till this day, I still believe…I still believe that you would come back to me, Jao. Please, let me save and love you in return, as you've done unreservedly for me. You won't be alone anymore, Jao. Because I'll be here. I'll always be here. You're my sunflower da. I can be our sunshine. Я люблю тебя."

The Russian wept quietly as he embraced the body. The breathing slowed down alongside the heart beat. The machine began to chime with alert.

"Please…don't leave me, Jao. Don't leave this world. Everyone here loves you," Ivan whispered into the Asian's ear. "We all miss you so much."

"Yao, please! Wake up!" Chun Yan cried, as she dashed over to seize her brother's other hand.

"Stop sleeping…wake up…" Mei sobbed.

"Nii-san…we're all waiting for you."

"Jao, please, if you could hear this, remember the vow we made together? We would live on…we would live our life to our fullest, da? We would get into the same college. We would be happy together. There's nothing to fear…because I will never ever leave you again."

The body twitched as drops of tears streamed down his cheeks. With a sudden writhe, the heart beat rates shot back up in a flash.

The eyes that had been clenched close for years snapped open, reflecting tears of hope and ecstasy.

"Yi-wan…"

Everyone inside the ward squealed in delight as the weak body sprang back to life.

"Jao?" Ivan gasped, hardly able to believe what he was seeing. It was too good to be true.

The sleeping beauty had finally woken up from his long, solitary slumber.

And the prince burst into tears of joy.

"I knew it would be you aru," Yao smiled brightly and hugged back. "You've kept me waiting long enough."

"I'm so sorry, Jao-Jao…I should've reached you earlier…" Ivan purred. "But from now on, you'll never be alone, my little sunflower. We'll always be together, da."

The Russian grinned and bent down to kiss his long-lost lover passionately.

For once, Ivan truly believed in miracles.

Love is a miracle.

* * *

 _"No one was born alone."_

 _"Because they are meant to pair aru."_

 _"And destiny would always bring us together."_

 _"I've finally found you, my love."_


End file.
